caving

last week i got to jump in as a leader on altaer's wilderness retreat. it was quite an opportunity i think. :)
certainly a lot of fun. and a perfect way to spend time with a few people i wanted to spend time with.
i actually didn't have to do very many official leader-like things. but over and over again i was reminded how most leading is done through the tiniest of actions and words.

anyways
we got to do some neat things. namely rappelling, rock climbing, hiking, swimming (in a random lake deep in the woods), caving, and rafting.


caving is by far one of the coolest things i've ever done.
i tried to describe it in my journal, but it was too hard.

it was the most foreign place i've ever been.
and you feel like an explorer. (even though we had a group of 20 and a guide)
because darkness is everywhere and with every step you were going further into this dark, hidden, mysterious place.
it was mysterious.

Bible verses about light (i.e. "you are the light of the world") really start to mean something...

maybe that paints a bit of a picture.
caving was very fun and very exciting. :)


however
my favorite part
was coming out of the cave. :)


























seems silly maybe. but you just can't understand unless you've done it. and understood it the way i did. trust me... this picture is just a visual aid. it doesn't begin to do the experience justice.

after 3 hours in a cave, you're quite used to the world of the cave.
your eyes are used to darkness- to little light.
and the grays and browns of rock begin to feel like the only colors you've ever seen.
the noise of other people and occasional rushing water start to seem like the only sounds you've ever heard.
the damp, dirt smell is the only thing you've ever smelled.
the cold air starts to feel normal.
big rocks and the cave wall are the only thing you touch.
uneven rocky ground or dirt is the only thing you walk over.

this is a bit exaggerated perhaps.
but you get the idea.
for the time we were in there, my mind was fixed on where i was. the cave was the only world i could see. it was the reality we found ourselves in. anything else was just a memory or a thought.

"They were a mass of bruises, and the wet sticky stuff on her face appeared to be blood. And such a mass of loose earth, shingle, and larger stones was piled up round her (and partly over her) that she couldn't get up. The darkness was so complete that it made no difference at all whether you had your eyes open or shut. There was no noise. And that was the very worst moment Jill had ever known in her life."

"Presently they were given food - flat, flabby cakes of some sort which had hardly any taste. And after that, they gradually fell asleep. But when they woke, everything was just the same; the gnomes still rowing, the ship still gliding on, still dead blackness ahead. How often they woke and slept and ate and slept again, none of them could ever remember. And the worst thing about it was that you began to feel as if you had always lived on that ship, in that darkness, and to wonder whether sun and blue skies and wind and birds had not been only a dream."

(both of those from Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis)

now,
as if that isn't hard enough to picture.
imagine coming out of it.

actually, on our way out, we stopped at the last point where no sunlight reaches and our guide told us to just stare down at our feet for the rest of the way out. and as we made it to the mouth of the cave he had us look up.

you just... can't imagine.

the world outside of the cave was overwhelming.
it was beautiful.

just one tree
was enough to blow your mind.

colors were more colorful.
green was more green than it had ever been.
the sky was bluer...

and bigger.
the sky was HUGE.
just the thought that you could see so far blew my mind.

and the realization that you're not... buried...
it reminds me of what one of the gnomes (who live underground) in Silver Chair... :)
"That was the worst thing the Witch did to us. We were going to be led out into the open - on to the outside of the world. They say there's no roof at all there; only a horrible great emptiness called the sky. And the diggings have gone so far that a few strokes of the pick would bring you out to it. I wouldn't dare go near them... You can't really like it - crawling about like flies on the top of the world!"
it was terrifying! but magnificent as well. (because i'm human and not a gnome i suppose)

and the smells!
i could smell plants.
the flowers especially. i could smell them before i even saw them. and when i did it was like the most marvelous, pleasant thing i'd ever smelled.

and we could see the sun up in the sky.
beautiful.
and perfectly made.
not so bright that it hurt your eyes...
but big enough, and bright enough, and powerful enough that EVERYTHING outside was lit up and visible.
the thought that this one light illuminated everything around me (and for thousands of miles around!) was just bizarre.

and that was the greatest mystery.
being able to SEE.
to just... look wherever you wanted and see something there.

for a while i just sat there on a rock and took it all in.


a stream sort of ran into the mouth of the cave, and eventually our guide started walking up it. and we followed him to another beautiful scene...

after a minute we came to an opening...
there was a beautiful waterfall pouring down from the top of a little cliff
and the rest of our group was there waiting for us.

i wish someone had taken a picture of us when we came out. :)
because we must have looked like a mess.
most of us were covered in mud from playing around in the cave.
we were like an awkward, raggedy, tired, slightly disoriented group of gnomes. :)
strangers in the outside word.
we must have looked unfit to be where we were- surrounded by trees and sky and light.

and if there wasn't enough beauty in creation itself...
how much more that the first thing we did upon coming into it, was to head straight for this magnificent waterfall and pool to wash ourselves clean!
and on top of this, to join our friends! our brothers and sisters.

people were running around, laughing, smiling, jumping in the water.
and washing themselves off. cleaning the mud off of themselves and out of clothes. changing into new clothes.


can you see it?

we wandered around for a while in a black cave. in darkness. while inside we even talked about how screwed we'd be if our batteries all died suddenly.

but thank God, we did have lights (if only small ones). and we had a guide leading us through.

it was exciting in the cave. it was a great experience. hard for some and easy for others.

but i think all would agree, it's good that in the end we were lead out. back home. the cave was cool, but the outside is just... crazy.
if you can stop taking it for granted.

"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." (Colossians 1:13-14)


the sweet thing is that some of us have "left the cave."

of course, our part-time job for now is to go back in...
"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?" (Matthew 18:12)





























"If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. If they will perish let them perish with our arms about their knees. Let no one GO there unwarned and unprayed for."
Charles Spurgeon

(note: the pictures aren't mine, i just found them online)

the dark knight

holy COW

the new batman movie is incredible!
it's one of the best movies i've ever seen...

...for lots of reasons
though for now i'd like to talk about the depth and meaning and symbolism that i saw in it.
some at least... it was impossible to soak it all in.
(i'm pretty sure i wrote this in a way that doesn't spoil anything, so no worries)


a major theme is chaos

what do you do when the plan falls apart?
when nothing makes sense?
when you're lost?
when you're hopeless or afraid or desperate?
when you're being attacked or hurt or threatened?

the 'good guys' have a hope
they believe dawn is coming.
and this is what they cling to.

but they definitely find out that the night is darkest before dawn.
and that enduring through the chaos isn't easy.
especially when they realize that enduring sometimes means letting go of the things most precious to them.

the truth is...
chaos will take from you.

and we are all left with a choice.
you can either remember the hope you had in the beginning
and endure.
or you can let it take you as well.

you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. for you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. when Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. (Colossians 3:2-4)

"all along-
thought I was learning how to take
how to bend not how to break
how to live not how to cry
but really
i've been learning how to die"


metaphorically speaking:
gothams will always need batmen:
heros who die [to self].

if you go too long without dieing...
your second face will show.

the blogger's prayer

wow
this is wonderfully hilarious :)

The Blogger's Prayer

Our Father
who lives above and beyond the blogosphere

Give us this day a life worth blogging,
The access to words and images that express our journey with passion and integrity,
And a secure connection to publish your daily mercies.

Your Kingdom come into new spaces today,
As we make known your mysteries,
Posting by posting,
Blog by blog.

Give this day,
The same ability to those less privileged,
Whose lives speak louder than ours,
Whose sacrifice is greater,
Whose stories will last longer.

Forgive us our sins,
For blog-rolling strangers and pretending they are friends,
For counting unique visitors but not noticing unique people,
For delighting in the thousands of hits but ignoring the one who returns,
For luring viewers but sending them away empty handed,
For updating daily but repenting weekly.

As we forgive those who trespass on our sites to appropriate our thoughts without reference,
Our images without approval,
Our ideas without linking back to us.

Lead us not into the temptation to sell out our readership,
To see people as links and not as lives,
To make our blogs look better than our actual story.

But deliver us from the evil of pimping ourselves instead of pointing to you,
From turning our guests into consumers of someone else’s products,
From infatuation over the toys of technology,
From fame before our time is right.

For Yours is the power to guide the destinies behind the web logs,
To bring hurting people into the sanctuaries of our sites,
To give us the stickiness to follow you, no matter who is watching or reading.

Yours is the glory that makes people second look our sites and our lives,
Yours is the authority above all authorities
Yours is the ranking above all rankings

For ever and ever,

Amen

thanks to this dude:
http://marcsmessages.typepad.com/

refreshment

some part of me has been rather dry lately...
uninspired

why?

who knows.

i'm slowly feeling more refreshed i think
and confident that the work here will be carried on to completion.

anyways
i adore Jon Foreman songs right now.

it's interesting how songs taken straight from the bible are particularly meaningful to me.

some of my favorite bits...


both of our hands
are equally skilled
at doing evil
equally skilled
at bribing the judges
equally skilled
at perverting justice
both of our hands

and both of his hands
are equally skilled
at ruining evil
equally skilled
at judging the judges
equally skilled
administring justice
both of his hands


would you create in me a clean heart, oh God
restore in me the joy of my salvation
wash me white as snow
and i will be made whole


this cross, my love, is mine, my love
to bear, my love, to die, my love
this cup, my love, this bread, my love
my life, my love, is yours, my love
come drink, my love, my blood, my love
my life, my love, in death, my love
my God, my love, my life, my love
is yours, my love, my bride, my love


all along-
thought I was learning how to take
how to bend not how to break
how to live not how to cry
but really
i've been learning how to die


baptize my mind
baptize my eyes
baptize my mind
for a seed to give birth to life
first it must die


i look at the meadow
and stare at the flowers
better dressed than any girl
on her wedding day

the kingdom of the heavens
is buried treasure.
will you sell yourself
to buy the one you've found?

two things you told me
that you are strong
and you love me

(that whole song- you're love is strong- is entirely superb)

30 hour days

xkcd's comic for the day
it made me think of myself

it doesn't matter what time i have to wake up- every day i feel like going to bed at a later time than the day before.
this goes on until the weekend where i can compensate by just waking up later. then i gather my resolve to go to bed on time and start the next week...

too bad days aren't 30 hours long... i think that would work well for me :)

Gott tut's!

do you like the header i made?
(you can only see it in blogspot of course)
cause i think it's rather spiffy :)

anyways, down to business...
this'll be long...

so i'm back from germany now
though i think it'll take a while before i'm completely back.
there's a lot of unpacking and organizing to do still
and people to see
and people to call
and things to take care of that popped up while i was gone
and letters to write to supporters
and lots of thoughts and memories to digest
and so on...
which all has to fit inside of day to day life. :)

but for now i'm at work with not much to do...
so i'll summarize the trip for now
and hopefully get to things learned and whatnot by the end.


the plane ride there was an adventure...
(i flew to Paris and then to Hamburg)
for one, because i was alone. never traveled alone very far before. never on a plane. and never to foreign countries!
also, in Atlanta they only gave me one boarding pass and said it would work for both planes, which makes no sense... but i just accepted it.
well when i landed in Paris (disappointed that none of its famous landmarks were visible from the plane window) i had to move as fast as possible to get to my connecting flight. it felt like the Atlanta airport, but with no effective transit between concourses.
and then there was also a bit of trouble with no boarding pass of course, but it worked out.

to no surprise, when i got to hamburg i learned that my bag had been left in Paris. as fast as i had to move to get to my 2nd plane, i would have been blown away if it had made it as well. :)

and then there was a few minutes of panic as i went outside and there was nobody there to pick me up...
they were just running a bit late thankfully. :)

after a few hours in a bus...
Kiel!


Kiel has a population of about 250,000 and is on the baltic sea about 50 miles from denmark.
in the next week or so about 3.5 million people came through the city for the annual "Kieler Woche" (Kiel week)
Kieler Woche is part sailing competition and part summer festival.
we never actually got around to seeing any of the competition; it took place a few miles north, up the coast.

the first two days we pretty much spent getting to know each other, preparing for the next week, and learning.

our team was awesome!
all different ages... mostly college students and adults.
there was a church group from ohio (whose pastor was english),
a few other random folks from arizona, florida, and atlanta,
two guys from northern ireland,
a finnish couple,
a handful from brazil,
a south african,
and germans from all over their country.
about 40 in all- half americans.

i love my new friends. :)


the training was incredibly helpful...
they did a great job teaching us about german culture...
about the general view of religion, the way people would react to us, and so on.

i had thought most germans considered themselves christians (even if they weren't really)
but if that's true... then these cultural christians avoided us at all costs.
i met very few people who called themselves christians. and of those maybe just 1 or 2 weren't legit.
they're becoming less and less afraid to come outright and say what they believe- that they don't buy into Jesus- i think.

most were either atheist or... postmodern (all religions are the same)

poor germans :(
i think they're rather decieved by their culture.
because they so rarely had a thought out reason to believe what they did.
culture says there is no God- and you could they ate it up without questioning.

then there's the primary rule of german culture- beliefs/religion are a personal matter.
they don't like to talk about beliefs- it's none of your business.

and i felt like that reinforces the postmodern culture...
if they refuse to believe there is no God, this one tries to catch them saying... okay, there is a God, but getting to him is a personal thing for you to do your own way.

of the 250,000 people who live in Kiel, the christians estimate (optimistically) that perhaps around 2000 go to a church once a week where they can hear the gospel.
less than 1%.
:(
(thankfully the good churches do a good job working together i think)

the thing is, germany is a lot like the states.
except worse. (perhaps like the north...)
they're very friendly people... :)
but you can't preach to them.
it's not like most countries we've been to on mission trips, where you can gather a bunch of people around, perform a drama, and talk about God.
people won't give you the time.
and [they think] they've heard it all before.

we described it this way...
you can't be a paperboy- zooming past people, throwing the news onto their doorstep.
you have to be bridge builders, connection makers, conversation starters, listeners.


so our mission was...
first to trigger conversations. simply by being present, and sometimes putting a question out there- something to make people think and perhaps react.

we all got shirts to wear throughout the week...
they're bright blue and say "Gott tut's!" on the front and back. It's tough to translate, but it literally means "God does it!" or "God is doing it!"
it's not a typical religious phrase in german, and it doesn't really make complete sense out of context.
our team and lots of the christians in the city wore them all week, and so many conversations were started just because people wanted to know what we were there for, or what the shirt meant.

another tactic was to do nice things for people
like offer to walk umbrella-less people around when it rained. :)

and yet another was to go into the middle of the festivities with signs...
like we had one hanging from a ladder that said "how do you get to heaven?"
and another which said "i only believe what my right neighbor believes"- a number of people would all stand in a line and each hold one (basically to show how silly it is to not think for yourself)
we made all sorts of signs...
we made heads turn like crazy
and we got every sort of reaction... laughs, frowns, smiles...
and sometimes a conversation. :)

also, some of us tried out using a survey- asking a few friendly questions about the festival and finally asking what they thought about "Gott tut's!"
it was tough to get people to do it i think, but it helped to play the american card- they're a bit more open to talk about beliefs with foreigners.

anyways,
that's what we were up against.
and that's what we did.


on a typical day i got up around 9, had a shower and quick breakfast, and then walked 10-15 minutes to the church we were using as home base.
we started off each day with some songs, a devotion/teaching time, prayer, and storytelling about the day before.
after lunch we grabbed got into groups, grabbed some signs/bibles/materials, and went down to the festival.
we'd come back for dinner at 6 and then go out once more for a few hours.
then went home and spent a bit of time with my host.
it was usually midnight by the time i made it to bed each night.

we all had hosts to stay with...
i was in a little apartment with a 30something single guy, Torsten, who was pretty cool.
he was incredibly hospitable...
bought me different yummy german breads for breakfast each day, let me use his computer whenever i wanted, and other nice things. :)


one morning we got up and he took me an hour south to an old city named Lübeck. it's on an island in the middle of the river and was a major trading city back in the middle ages. there were only 4 big bridges/gates into the city, which you can still see (one had a museum in it), and beautiful old churches and buildings. on the way back we drove past the sea and he treated me to a crazy awesome fish feast. i think that one meal doubled how many different kinds of fish i've eaten before. and possibly the amount as well... it was crazy delicious. :)

other out of the ordinary things...

the soccer games. :)
germany played in the quarterfinals and semifinals of the eurocup while i was there.
goodness gosh...
they get excited about soccer. particularly when they win.
seriously
think of the biggest sporting event you've ever been to, and imagine the home team won. think of all the people outside the stadium.
imagine that most of them don't really have somewhere to be- they're not rushing to get to their car to beat the traffic. they're pretty patient and relaxed. waving flags, honking car horns, cheering...
now imagine it's like that throughout the city, not just next to the stadium.
and now imagine that the stadium is actually hundreds of miles away in another country. but even still, this city is going crazy. along with every other city in the country!
it was nuts.

there was a little sailing boat at the festival named Elida that was working with the churches. each night one of the churches' band would play on the ship.
so we joined them there on two evenings. the church group from ohio had come prepared to perform the lifehouse skit! how cool is that? :) (this should be it, if you haven't seen)
so they did they would do that along the walkway and otherwise we'd talk to people that stopped by the boat/to see the drama.

on the first sunday we were there, the "evangelic alliance" (all the legit churches) had a big service planned. it was supposed to be in a park, but the threat of rain pushed it inside. basically it was about pushing the "Gott tut's!" action among the people there. we let them know about what we're doing, and how they can join. and a few of their pastors preached and told them to help us!
it was also fun because we got to sing worship songs in german. :)

one night i and the finns went to this one guy's bible study.
more singing in german.
and he asked us to talk to the guys there about what we were doing in germany. and we shared with them our testimonies. and i got to encourage them a little bit i think, from a few thoughts and an old sermon i heard.
that was a neat time.


this brings me to another huge goal of ours-
to encourage the church in Kiel.

i had thought about this before going a little, but after being there for a few days i realized that this is the biggest reason that we were there.
and it was probably my favorite part too...
i loved spending time with them, hearing their stories, and encouraging them.

we were only there for 2 weeks.
and while we might have played a huge role in the lives of some random people,
it's the home church that will bring about change in the long term.
especially in a society where time and relationships are particularly vital for real change.

so it really was a blessing to see them encouraged by us.
for them to see people give up a lot and come from around the world to help them for 2 short weeks.
hopefully for them (just as for us back home!) evangelism will become each day more of a lifestyle than an event.


so i guess that pretty much covers what happened...
now for the things i learned...

i learned a lot about germany...
what the culture is like- particularly in the north- and how to bring the gospel to it.
that a 16 year old drinking age is the dumbest idea ever. (alcohol was quite a problem)
that it's nice to walk and bike places instead of having to drive.
that eating different kinds of bread from a real bakery is nice.
and so on.

i learned that i can have a conversation in german. :)
it takes me a bit to get warmed up i think. and at this point talking too much german wears me out.
but i know i can use it, and i don't doubt that i'm capable of getting better!
most germans can speak english...
but they're not all exactly experts at it. they're german. they speak german with each other.
a few times, in the bible study for example, i was around all german speakers. so it was nice for them that they didn't to translate for me. :)
i got pretty good at understanding... mostly need to work on speaking.
(though i think i'm bad enough at forming sentences in english :))

i believe God will send me back.
for a longer period of time.
though i'm not sure how long. or when. or where...
but i don't need to know these things yet. :)
i was pretty surprised when he answered this question very clearly in the first couple days there.
i just kept getting the feeling the whole time that i was learning and practicing. that the things we were doing were incredibly important of course...
but also that, personally, i was being prepared for something bigger.

and i learned that spiritual warfare is going on even here at home like crazy!
i feel that, on previous mission trips, satan's opposition has always been at least a little bit more evident and visible than at home.
well... i guess i expected germany to be that way too... but it wasn't.
on the contrary... it was just like home!
when my alarm went off in the mornings i wanted to keep sleeping. i would get tired in the middle of the day and feel like sleeping instead of praying. i would get impatient with people. and so on.
like i said... on the trips i've done before it was like i was ready for these, and could see them coming and happening.
but in germany it took me a while ever time to realize what was happening!
... just like home....
i guess i've decided that satan's biggest tactic here in the states (and similar places) is to make us ignorant of his existence and activity.


those are the biggest things...

if you've read this whole thing, then congratulations. :)
please ask me about it still if you see me... there's plenty of details and stories to tell!
Perhaps when you do, you could ask a more detailed question to help me out. :)

anyways
make sure you see the pictures on facebook :)

Auf Wiedersehen!