proverbs 30:4

last weekend our family went to florida.
we spent a day at universal studios and two days at the main disney parks.
on the last day before coming home we dropped by downtown disney for a bit and made a side trip to st. augustine.

when we first got to the beach i read one of my bible passages for the day.
i realized i was reading through it without really taking in what it was saying, so i had to go back and start over.

i was reminded how slow and feebleminded i can be. :)
sometimes it takes a minute to realize you're being spoken to.

a link to the office - part 2

i am now back from my sidequest to florida...
(i'll say more about that in the next day or two i think)

and have once again returned to conquer this dungeon.

i was able to purchase a sword in florida,
but the evil magic of this place prevents me from equipping it here.

i spend most of my time on the 8th floor.
it's accessible, unlike the others.
however the only door that gets you anywhere of importance has a special lock.
5 switches must be pressed in the proper order to open it.
thankfully i learned the correct sequence from a man on the 7th floor of the dungeon.

i finally obtained a dungeon map.
however there's no sign of a compass. or a boss key. and the symmetry of this dungeon makes it difficult to even guess where the boss may be.

i'll have to keep exploring.

though i believe i'll have to briefly return to the overworld before long to restock on potions and the like.

i played my windows media player today and found that a number of songs seem to speed up time.
i wish one would teleport me to other floors... it gets rather tedious walking back and forth.

i did hear from an old man today, that a new room will be opened tomorrow, providing that i collect a number of "drawings."
but it's rather complicated. a number of switches on the 8th floor have to be pressed for them to appear on the 7th (and a few on the 6th i suspect), and then of course i have to find, obtain, and bring them back here.

oh
and i think i will be able to obtain a ton of rupees tomorrow!
that will be helpful

at least there is still no sign of monsters...
(though the guy who looks like he came straight out of the 70s is a little suspicious...)

:)

a link to the office

to get on some floors of our office you need a badge to unlock the door

the lock next to the door has a little red light on it, and when you hold up your badge it turns green and unlocks.
then about 10 seconds later it turns red again and makes a loud locking noise.

it reminds me very much of zelda, when you step on a switch and get through the door before it locks back. too bad there's no ticking noise.

to make it better, when i go through this particular door, i'm generally headed for the plotter room. to pick up a drawing.
which can look very much like a map.

too bad i don't have a sword
and there's no moblins.

then again... maybe that's my fault
because i haven't found it yet...
and i bet when i do, enemies will suddenly appear on all sides.

maybe i need to start kicking these filing cabinets open...

talking

i was just thinking about hanging out with people...

it's so troublesome!

i mean... you always have to DO things.
like eat
watch a movie
shop
get coffee
go to sport events
play a video game

you know what i mean?

am i the only one who gets tired of this?

don't get me wrong...
tonight i'm hopefully going to watch Narnia with people,
and i'm looking forward to it.

(anyone want to come over one afternoon/evening a week or two from now and watch Hook?!)

but to me
DOING things
gets pretty old pretty quickly.

it's the people that i'm interested in
not the things i do with them.

and often the DOING
distracts you from the person.


the reason all this was on my mind is because i started thinking about car rides.
i suppose because of riding to sharptop last weekend. and because my family's driving down to florida this weekend. but anyways

car rides are fantastic.
i decided they're probably one of the best ways to get to know a person.
the place where some of the best conversations happen.

you're just sitting there
strapped in
facing the same direction.

now sometimes you're worn out and need to sleep.
sometimes you need to be alone with your thoughts.
and sometimes you really just want to listen to your own music.

but if you're going to interact with each other
basically all you can do is talk or listen to music together.
both of which are great.

you get to know them,
get to know yourself,
make the time memorable.

maybe you feel the same way :)


only problem
is that it's rather expensive to spend hours driving just as an excuse to hang out. :)

so
here's what it boils down to...

whoever you are,
if you ever want to...
go walking...
or even just come over to my house
and stare at the wall while we talk...
then please let me know.

there's possibly nothing i'd like more to do.

dancing on ashes

bah
i still haven't caught up on rest.
how come i always seem to get more energy and stay up later when i plan a specific bedtime?!

i was at sharptop cove doing work crew this weekend, as you most likely know.
and it was a blast.
it was nice to be with my dear friends.
nice to encourage and laugh with and laugh at them. :)
nice to smile and laugh about memories.

and also nice to make new ones.
i think there are some great new memories to laugh and smile about now. :)

wonderful


anyways,
the main point of me writing this is to share with you something that God reminded me of on saturday...

this weekend i spent some of my free time walking around the camp with Josh and Jason, and at one point we ended up watching a young boy do the quantum leap.
i think the quantum leap is one of the coolest things they have there. :)
it's basically a quiet spot back in the woods where they've got a wooden pole sticking out of the ground. a telephone pole basically. with metal rungs on the sides spaced out about every 4 feet so that you can climb up. you try to climb to the top (where there is a little one square foot platform) and stand up. hanging from a tree a little ways out is a bell, which you try to jump off and ring.
of course you're harnessed in, so that it's safe and you don't fall to your death after ringing the bell. :) there's a trained person on the ground who has you by a rope that goes through a number of pulleys. they could probably pull most people to the top if they wanted to.

so
like i said, we got there just as a young elementary school aged boy was harnessed in. we were pretty surprised when he made it all the way to the top! the rope guy had to help him out some because he was almost too short to even reach the next rung sometimes, but he made it and was sitting down on top.
i guess he didn't realize how high he was until he got there, because he suddenly froze up. his father and everyone watching was trying to encourage him to turn to face the bell and stand up. but he was too afraid of falling.

after about 5 or 10 minutes he decided that he wanted to come down, which there's no shame in doing. especially at this kids age. a lot of kids freak out at the top, and understandably so. standing on top of a telephone pole doesn't feel like a very secure place, even if you're being held up by a rope. it's a healthy fear.

but
the way to get down
is to jump off.
to let go.
and the rope dude slowly lowers you to the ground.
this is how the quantum leap is designed to work.

little kid had a different plan though.
he didn't feel safe doing that.
part of the time he just wanted to hang tight and not move...

and he wanted to climb down.
which he could do i suppose.
but it wouldn't be easy.
it would probably hurt a little.
it would take a lot longer.
he could end up getting hurt a little, because it's hard to keep tension in the rope if the person's headed down.
and he would miss the fun of slowly swinging to the ground!

at first, everyone was encouraging him to do it the right way. the good way. the easy way.
they told him why his way wasn't good.
but he refused to listen.
he was a child.
he couldn't understand that their plan was better and safer than his in every way.
he needed to put faith in what his father was saying to him.
but he wouldn't.

they realized that he couldn't be reasoned with before long, and let him try to do things his way. i guess the most important thing was that he got down safely, and if he wouldn't do it the right way, they didn't have another option.

well
after quite some time
after a lot of effort and little improvement
after a lot of crying and fear
he eventually decided to
let go.

you should have seen the smile on his face when he 'danced upon the ashes of his burned up little plans.'
when he realized
how easy it's supposed to be.
how fun it's supposed to be.


well,
it could have been better,
but at least he realized it eventually, right? :)

made me think of how we're like this with God sometimes.
if only we'd give up our plans for his...
particularly at the times when it seems impossible to.

well
"something to think about later" i figured.


then i went and did my bible reading for the day,
which included 1 Samuel 8.
this is where the Israelites asked for a king...

now,
Samuel had acted as a leader for them. if you read the previous chapter or two, it tells about how he protected Israel and held it together, like the judges before him (he's named one in chapter 7 actually).
if you read about his miraculous birth and calling in the first few chapters of the book, you can see how the man is truly part of God's plan.
God chose Samuel to lead his people.
Like a shepherd finds a good sheep dog i guess. :)

in chapter 8 Samuel is getting old, and the Israelites want Samuel to pick a king to lead them before he's gone.
this is not purely bad in itself i think.
we read that Samuel's sons were not great people, and so it is good that the people desired to have a wise and just man of God leading them.

but
then we see that they are actually rejecting God as their king.
they think their security will come from a king.
they don't trust God for security.
they don't trust him to bring another man like Samuel (if that's what they need).
they don't trust God's plan. God's way.

God tells them their idea is bad, and gives them a pretty comprehensive list of reasons to prove it.
he encourages them to make him their king.
he gives them another chance to decide what they want...
but they still won't listen.

and he ended up giving them what they wanted!
he lets them do it their way, and even helps with it!

fools!
while God pursued the hearts of kings and did great things with those who loved him...
how much more if they had just accepted God as their king?!


but... what about me?
what about you?

for God's sake and yours,
the question
to which you ought to give serious thought :)
is this:

which plans of yours need to be burned to ashes?

all in all

do you see the church as the fullness of an infinite God?


you are my strength when i am weak, you are the treasure that i seek,
you are my all in all.
seeking you as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool,
you are my all in all.

Jesus, lamb of God worthy is your name.
Jesus, lamb of God worthy is your name.

taking my sin, my cross, my shame. rising again, i praise your name,
you are my all in all.
when i fall down you pick me up. when I am dry you fill my cup,
you are my all in all.

Jesus, lamb of God worthy is your name.
Jesus, lamb of God worthy is your name.


ever sing this song?
it's a good one :)
we should sing old school songs like this more often

but anyways...

i always found the phrase "all in all" to be sort of funny.
what do you think?

well
i came upon it the other day
in Ephesians 1:23
and found that NIV had a great translation...
"everything in every way"

so that's what it means...
"you are my all in all"
"God is my everything
in every way."

that sounds about right...


well, in this verse it was talking about something a bit different though.

it says that the church, the body, is "the fullness of Him of fills all in all."

so there's a God who fills EVERYTHING in EVERY way,
and the church
is
this FULLNESS.

that's crazy. :)

do you see the church as the fullness of an infinite God?
refresh yourself now...
when i say church i'm talking about the people
not the institution.

think about it
like right now, for just a minute...


if you don't think it is,
you probably looked at the ways the church fails to represent God.

now, let's not jump the gun.
let's not even think about who, why, or what the problem is...

let's just ask ourselves...
in what ways am i not letting God fill all of
me.

χάρις

we need to chill.

to stop working for his mercy,
because that's pride.
(working is done through him and after mercy does its work)

to stop discounting his grace,
because that's what we're doing when we don't believe it's enough for us.

and to let God love us.
because he wants to.


emotive unstable,
your like an
un
wind
ing
cable car.
listening for voices...
waiting for something? someone else?
but its the choices
that make us who we are.

so self-absorbed,
you seem to ignore
the prayers that have already come about!
go your own way,
if that's what you want...
even season have change;
just burn those new leaves over.

backing away from the problem of pain.
you never had a home.
you've been misguided.
you're hiding in shadows for so very long.
don't you see?
don't you believe that you've been decived,
that "your no better than..."?
the hair in your eyes, it never disguised
what your really thinking of.
(the lamp of the Lord searches the inmost being)

but

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

this
is the correlation
of Salvation and Love:

you
are so
brilliant!
don't soon forget!
you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.
don't soon forget!

release

is it not beautifully ironic that
a christian is someone who simply
realizes
that he doesn't
know God
at all?

we're so tied to ourselves.


what i want to do i do not do,
but what i hate i do.
i tear myself to pieces,
and really, i don't like it.

but then i won't even let myself be forgiven.

last night i went to write in my journal
i think i was just headed for another prayer about being sorry and frustrated with myself.
and i realized it was the same condemning part of me, which had lead me to make mistakes in the first place, who was making me feel that way now!

silly me

it's serious really,
but i think he'd also love if i made a big deal about it
(the part of joshua who tore himself up in the first place and then wouldn't let him fix himself, that is),
because his goal is just to keep me away from God.

he did it by separating me from God,
but Jesus came to fix that.

then he did it by separating me from Jesus,
but i suppose the Spirit made me realize it.

he could also do it again by getting me to spend so much time thinking about... for example, how dumb I was (in both ways now), that, once again, i get distracted from the point.

like getting stuck for a long time studying some math problem, which isn't going to be on the test.
or thinking so much about how to be a good football player that you never take time to play.


so
let's just forget about ourselves, shall we?
let's just stop trying to figure out and understand things.
let's stop feeling like we have to
accept,
and simply receive.

let's stop stopping ourselves from being blessed by God,
and let's stop stopping ourselves from letting God by too BIG to understand.
so that we can stop stopping ourselves from praising him.

hopefully that was coherent. :)

grace

grades finally came

Ephesians 6:7
Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men...

i don't do a good job of this i think.
based on the effort i put in and grades for individual assignments...

i did not do school work wholeheartedly very often this Spring

and i hardly remembered to do it all for God,
rather than myself
or my parents
or my professors

i TOLD him to give me what i deserved...
i think God said "no" to that prayer.

i am unworthy of the grades God gives me.

and he deserves better.

grace like rain
falls down on me

self-centeredness

so
i'm back to the working life now.

you know, it sure is easy to complain about it
just like complaining about school.

turns out complaining is just something we do or don't do.
it's not so much based on the circumstances.
you could be in one of the best situations ever sometimes and still find things to complain about because that's just what you're in the habit of doing.

i'm trying not to complain so much.
this summer, for starters.

trying not to have so many excuses.

i would come home last summer after a long day and tell myself i needed a break...
and i feel like i wasted so much time that could have been spent with my family or others.
or at least doing something meaningful or productive.

time to fix that

there's always so much to fix.
which is...
exciting :)

if only God was really always right in front of my eyes...


"I'm Not Ready" by Cool Hand Luke

Every time I read that story again
I wanna run and take the nails out
You remind me that those nails are mine
Once and for all to the end (Hebrews 9:26)

You were speaking to a group last night
You asked someone to lay their pride out
I turned to see who it could be
You were looking me dead in the eye

I’m not ready for this
I’m not ready yet
I’m not ready
For this ending
But it’s not over yet
I’ve been fighting against myself
And I’ve torn myself to pieces
I hear You calling, God, I hear You calling
“Stand up, stand up
And spend yourself for Jesus”

Too long have I been chained
I’m ready Jesus—set me free


"Things Like You" by Sanctus Real

Loving things like you has wrecked my life, made me cry
Loving things like you has made me lose my mind
And I can't figure out why I've been hanging on
To all these things I've tried to leave behind me for so long

And I think it's time to find a better way to live my life
Than loving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Everyone wants everyone else's everything
Some time's the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of life and all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind

Loving things like you has left me bruised, black and blue
Loving things like you has made me so confused
And I can't figure out what I've been waiting on
God I can't be living for things I know are wrong

Now I think it's time to write a better chapter in my life
Leaving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Why are we obsessed with possessions here on earth?
Go and take a look at the flowers and the birds
God is always taking care of nature's every need
And how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
I said, how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
He sees everything