waiting

bah
i'm tired of waiting...

waiting for passion
for heart

i feel like i've been that way forever
always at the mercy of my mood, my excitement
or lack thereof.

i can just never seem to follow through with something unless my heart is in it
and until it is...
i just have to
wait.

it's a rather frustrating spot to be in
because when a flicker of passion is there
you just come to see how helpless you are.
and otherwise...
things might not seem so bad
but it's only because you're numb.

i wish my heart broke more
i wish i could love more.

i wish i could wake up every day
and remember what it felt like to walk out of that cave.

i wish energy was never in short supply
never the limiting factor.

i wish i could be as selfless as want to be.

i wish i could still remember how to give my heart away.

waiting for an answer to a feeble, whispered, faithless prayer is hard.