mewithoutYou

an oversized list of some of my favorite lyrics on their new cd:

every thought a thought of You.
every look in search of You.
our darkest nights are days to You.
the trees raise branches high
like arms in church to grateful sky.
every song in praise of You.
no one here to believe but You.
everyone else is bound to leave but You.
when they swear their love is real,
they mean "i like the way you make me feel."
there's no one here to believe but you.

when letting all attachments go,
is the only prayer we know,
may it be so,
may it be so,
may it be so...

the horse's hay beneath his head
our Lord was born to a manger bed
that all whose wells run dry
could drink of his supply.
the donkey whispered in his ear
"child, in 30-some-odd years
you'll ride someone who looks like me-
untriumphantly."
the cardinals warbled a joyful song:
"he'll make right what man made wrong,
bringing low the hills
that the valleys might be filled."
when the rain picks up
and the sun goes down
sinners, come inside
with no money, come and buy.
no clever talk, nor a gift to bring
requires our lowly, lovely king.
come now empty handed, you don't need anything.

and the night was cool
and clear as glass
with the sneaking snake in the garden grass.
deep cried out to deep;
the disciples fast asleep.
and the snake perked up
when he heard You ask,
"if you're willing that
this cup might pass
we could find our way back home
maybe start a family all our own."
"but does not the Father guide the Son?
not my will, but yours be done.
what else here to do?
what else me, but You?"
and the snake who'd held the world
a stick, a carrot and a string,
was crushed beneath the foot
of your not wanting anything.

we all well know
we're gonna reap what we sow.
but grace, we all know
can take the place of all we owe.
so why not, let's forgive everyone everywhere everything...
all the time everyone everywhere everything.

we get split to pieces like an apple core husk to reveal the tree that's been hidden inside.
what a beautiful G-d, what a beautiful G-d, what a beautiful G-d there must be!
what a beautiful G-d, what a beautiful G-d, what a beautiful G-d You must be!

and the father [beetle king] explained, "you've been somewhat deceived,
we've all called me your dad, but your true dad's not me.
i laid next to your mom and your forms were conceived;
your Father's the light within all that you see.
He fills up the ponds as He empties the clouds,
holds without hands, and He speaks without sounds.
provides us with the cow's waste and coconuts to eat
giving one that nice salt taste, and the other is sweet.
sends the black carriage the day death shows its face;
thinning our numbers with kindness and grace.
and just as a flower and its fragrance are one,
so must each of you and your Father become.
now distribute my scepter, my crown, and my throne
and all we've known as wealth to the poor and alone.
without further hesitation, without looking back home,
the king flew headlong into the blazing unknown.
and as the smoke king curled higher and higher
the troops flying loops round the telephone wires
they said, "our beloved's not dead, but his highness instead,
has been utterly changed into fire."
why not be utterly changed into fire?

in everywhere we look
in everywhere we look
Allah, Allah, Allah
in everyone we meet
in everyone we meet
Allah, Allah, Allah
in every blade of grass
in every blade of grass
Allah, Allah, Allah
it doesn't matter what you done-
what effect is without a cause?
it doesn't matter what you done,
now lay your faithless head down.
in necessities cotton hand
there's a love that never changes
no matter what you done.
if you care to sing forgiveness songs
come down and join our band.
we'll cut you like a sword
and sing forgiveness songs.

scars

so if you read this, then you probably already know about my recent injury

we were over at the wcf cookout the other night. then i was walking back to west campus with molly, chelsea, erin, and a new friend, colleen.
molly wanted to visit some other new friends who had pledged to a fraternity nearby. after circling around looking for the place we were finally on the right path...

sadly for me, that path led right to a pole. i guess i wasn't paying attention, because i never saw it coming. i was just turning and looking up to make a comment when
BOOM.

pole

there was a short moment of "ouch."
and a bit of dizzy.

and then lots of laughing.

then blood.

the girls were concerned.
with good reason perhaps.
[from this point until the "but seriously" i had a pair of guest authors: chelsea and erin. i made a few edits, and left some comments in brackets... but it's mostly their work.]

it was actually pretty bad...
i'm just being modest.
there was blood all over the side of my face and in my hair...
apparently i looked pretty awful.

i was still laughing like i was the coolest person ever [because i have the best embarrasing story ever] when in reality i was standing on the sidewalk outside of a bunch of frat houses with blood plastered [good word choice..] to my face.
needless to say i have some pretty cool friends and they (very wisely) went straight to one of the frat houses to get me some water and band aids and cleaning swabs.

they're so sweet. [:)]

anyways this part is actually kind of funny because all the frat boys were outside dressed up with flowers ready to serenade the sororities, so i had a bit of an audience while i was wiping my face off.

so we headed home instead of to a hospital (very stupid idea) [uh... too bad there's not a hospital to go to....]

chelsea [thinks she] saved erin from walking into another pole [except not].
then as we were passing another frat house, chelsea's nose spontaneously began to bleed, and the familiar sight of blood returned. she was clearly being repaid for saving erin from certain blood [what?]. again we ran to a frat house to get napkins. chelsea then joined me in the very distinguished blood crew.

anyways
i got back and paraded around my dorm sharing my story with residents.
it's a good conversation starter.

i should run into things more often...

so yeah

i figured it was just a little cut...
it wasn't until later in molly/colleen/erin's dorm (to get a brownie that my awesome friend erin saved for me) that we pulled back the band aid to have a better look at the cut. it was WAY deep and STILL bleeding hours later (by now we really should have gone the hospital) [that still doesn't exist] but we settled on fixing it with hydrogen peroxide/neosporin/another band-aid/water/bed.

except...
i actually stayed up til like 1...
because it's fun to tell people that you might have to get stitches for walking into a pole.

i finally got to the doctor the next day after my classes and he told me that in order to sew it up he would have to rip the cut back open first.
and i decided that sounded stupid.
basically i would be paying them to make me bleed more, take up my free time, and remove my awesome scar.

it's pretty neat actually, it's sort of in the shape of a Y over my eyebrow. i'm practically harry potter. i bet i'll be able to sense the pole's presence next time i walk by it.

by now it's not so bad, but I managed to get a sweet picture of my face covered in blood.


but seriously

i decided things in life go this way a lot.
for me at least.

it's easy to just laugh it off when you run into a pole.
to pretend like you're fine.
to get too busy to take care of the problem.

and then it turns out it's worse than you thought.
and covering it up with a band-aid,
and wiping off the blood,
and getting busy with other "more important" things
doesn't help.

it's kind of lame when you finally realize it's a problem.
but you can't do anything.

and the worst part is when you
FINALLY
get to the doctor...
but now the scar is already part of you.
and he has to open it again to fix it.

but you won't let him.

if you had gone at first,
he could have fixed it right up.
and you'd have been fine with that!

but now you waited to long.

you're okay with him helping you when you're hurt.
but not okay with him hurting you to help.

if only, if only...

self-centeredness

so
i'm back to the working life now.

you know, it sure is easy to complain about it
just like complaining about school.

turns out complaining is just something we do or don't do.
it's not so much based on the circumstances.
you could be in one of the best situations ever sometimes and still find things to complain about because that's just what you're in the habit of doing.

i'm trying not to complain so much.
this summer, for starters.

trying not to have so many excuses.

i would come home last summer after a long day and tell myself i needed a break...
and i feel like i wasted so much time that could have been spent with my family or others.
or at least doing something meaningful or productive.

time to fix that

there's always so much to fix.
which is...
exciting :)

if only God was really always right in front of my eyes...


"I'm Not Ready" by Cool Hand Luke

Every time I read that story again
I wanna run and take the nails out
You remind me that those nails are mine
Once and for all to the end (Hebrews 9:26)

You were speaking to a group last night
You asked someone to lay their pride out
I turned to see who it could be
You were looking me dead in the eye

I’m not ready for this
I’m not ready yet
I’m not ready
For this ending
But it’s not over yet
I’ve been fighting against myself
And I’ve torn myself to pieces
I hear You calling, God, I hear You calling
“Stand up, stand up
And spend yourself for Jesus”

Too long have I been chained
I’m ready Jesus—set me free


"Things Like You" by Sanctus Real

Loving things like you has wrecked my life, made me cry
Loving things like you has made me lose my mind
And I can't figure out why I've been hanging on
To all these things I've tried to leave behind me for so long

And I think it's time to find a better way to live my life
Than loving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Everyone wants everyone else's everything
Some time's the more we have the less we really gain
I'm tired of life and all that money has to buy
Get out of my heart, out of my mind, leaving you behind

Loving things like you has left me bruised, black and blue
Loving things like you has made me so confused
And I can't figure out what I've been waiting on
God I can't be living for things I know are wrong

Now I think it's time to write a better chapter in my life
Leaving all those things that keep me wrapped so tight

Why are we obsessed with possessions here on earth?
Go and take a look at the flowers and the birds
God is always taking care of nature's every need
And how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
I said, how much more important in The Father's eyes are we?
He sees everything

humility

in some ways i can be humble...
really.

but i realize more and more, especially lately, that i am incredibly proud.

i want to be humble like Jesus.

i want to be so humble that i don't have secrets.
so humble that i'm excited to proclaim every embarrassing fact about myself,
every stupid thing i do.
so humble that i don't get embarrassed.

i want to be so humble that i never think of myself as the best at anything.
and so humble that i would never take the time to pity myself for being bad at anything.

i want to be so humble that i can truly love other people.

i want to be so humble that i don't have to argue.
so humble that other people aren't able to upset me.

i want to be so humble that i never complain.
so humble that i never gripe about Georgia Tech.

i want to be so humble that i rejoice at the opportunity to let others help me in my weaknesses.

i want to be so humble that i truly acknowledge only God satisfies.
only God is worthy.

i want to be so humble that i would be a servant.
so humble that getting out of bed in the morning isn't a fight.

i want to be so humble that i always use my time for others before i take time for myself.

i want to be so humble that other people notice when they first meet me...
and so humble that i don't ever think that.

attitude

i took this from something written in The Vision & the Vow (which of course was inspired by Philippians 2). made some changes though...

Your attitude should be the same as the Church:

Who, being in very nature Christ's beloved,
did not consider her beauty & glory
something to be grasped,
but made herself nothing
a servant
utterly human
nothing special.

And being found in appearance as a nobody
she humbled herself further
and became obedient
through success, failure, persecution, temptation,
and ultimately death- death on a cross.

Until
God swapped her torn, bloody, grimy overalls
for the most beautiful bridal gown of all time.
He placed a ring upon her calloused finger
and gave her His name- the one above all others-
that when she walks down the aisle
her bridal procession should number thousands upon thousands
from every tribe and tongue
their hearts overflowing with joy
as the trumpet sounds
and the wedding feast begins
forever.

the vision

never lose sight of the vision you God gave you.
Nehemiah 6:3

So this guy comes up to me and says "what's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth and words come out like this…
The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.

You see bones? I see an army. And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn't even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.
They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport.. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.
What is the vision ?
The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes. It makes children laugh and adults angry. It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars. It scorns the good and strains for the best. It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers

choose to loose
that they might one day win
the great 'Well done' of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don't need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: "COME ON!"

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.

Young people who beat their bodies into submission.

Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain".

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes. Winners. Martyrs. Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed? Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mold them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

inside.

On the outside? They hardly care. They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,

they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centers.
Don't you hear them coming?
Herald the weirdo's! Summon the losers and the freaks. Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes. They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension. Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be. It will come to pass; it will come easily; it will come soon.
How do I know? Because this is the longing of creation itself, the groaning of the Spirit, the very dream of God. My tomorrow is his today. My distant hope is his 3D. And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great 'Amen!' from countless angels, from hero's of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.

prayer

how to pray?

this is as much or more for me as anyone else

praying should be more than talking
sitting still
saying words

that's almost not real

don't get me wrong, it certainly can be

but i think it can be bigger than that
better than that

Sometimes i get off track
worried about...
trying to use the right words
or focused on listening for God
or a billion different things

But it's not supposed to be like that

because really praying
is free
i think

just sitting saying words in your head isn't always free
and at the same time
putting effort into making it different isn't free either
because it's like you're trying to make it into something you want it to be like

i tend to face two big walls when i pray
i think everybody has something or other that they have to get around

for me, first is not feeling...
close enough to God

it's proposterous I know
considering prayer is how you truly get closer to him
bible study's, church, or memorizing verses about God, doesn't bring you closer
the only thing that does that is praying to him
talking to him
being with him

thats why prayer is so important

sometimes I feel like i'm too imperfect to be with God though
i have a voice in my head that tells me i can't be as close to him as I want to
not yet at least

I used to be so much better at praying
closer to God even, i think

i lost it somewhere along the way
and now that i want it back satan keeps telling me that i can't have it
he tells me to put praying off for later
tomorrow
because maybe then i'll be more... worthy to talk to God i guess
like maybe i'll be good until then,
so then God will allow me in his presence

but that's so wrong because God says that he makes us holy
nobody is righteous but God
but
now
he makes us righteous if we come to him

The point is
it's important to know that nothing holds you back from praying

Perhaps...
You don't feel close to God.
you can still talk to him
it's just going to take effort!
do you really want to or not?

we're so lazy
we don't like doing anything that takes effort

It's not always easy to pray
but it's always possible

The other thing, for me, is not listening.
Praying doesn't have to involve listening every single time.
But I think it should some of the time

if God is real, and you're talking to him, and he loves you
i should think he wants to talk back

but i'm bad at being impatient with him
or getting distracted
or being so focused on hearing what I want
that i don't hear anything when it comes

You've got to be patient
quiet

and persistent

read Daniel 10

have patience with God
he hears your prayers
sometimes it just takes a while to get a response.
for who knows what reason

be persistent
i think God tests us that way sometimes
if we really care we keep at it
if we give up... then did it really matter to us?

And you have to have your ears wide open
apparently God can answer you audibly
i've never heard him
sometimes he just gives you a strong feeling
sometimes he puts thoughts or pictures in your head
sometimes, after you pray, he sends a person to answer you

you have to keep your ears open because you don't know how he'll answer

I love when God responds.
Because it shows how much he loves us.

I can read that he loves me in the Bible.

But when he
talks to
me
i can see the stuff that i read or heard
coming true

what an honor it is to talk to God
to pray to God

it reminds you why you are still alive
and it reminds you why you are still living

patience

more about friends...

how awful it is when a friend just
isn't being a friend to you

how tragic it is to lose a friend

i fear that in my life i've lost two best friends
and many other friends
in my life

whether it was because we just went different ways
or we were part of different groups
or whatever

the worst however
is when a friend changes.
and just... isn't
a friend anymore

i don't understand it

see one person in particular is on my heart
i love this person to death

but it feels like a lost cause!

like falling in love with a girl you know will never return the love

it's just friendship instead of romance

it hurts

oh yes it hurts
and it's half driving me crazy

i've no clue what insanity it would lead me to if God didn't keep my eyes on himself

how does this happen?
it doesn't make sense
why have you shut yourself off from me?
what did I do?


how can i be a friend back?
friendships take effort from both sides

i suppose it's not a friendship anymore?

maybe i'm just overdramatic

the thing is
this person needs my friend-love
so badly

i am humbled

because you see
i nearly don't want to give it

i want to say
fine.
goodbye.
see how you do without me.


but God says not to do that?

it's easy to love those who love you
and actually
i think it's not too hard to love those who hate you, much of the time

but how hard it is to love the people in between
who just don't get it

i'm nearly sick of the burden
and sick of praying for somebody who doesn't want it

but if i give that up
i am nothing

sea in a fish

A fish swims through the sea
while the sea is, in a certain sense, contained within the fish!
Oh, what am I to think of what the writing of a thousand life times could not explain
if all the forest trees were pens and all the oceans, ink?
{more mewithoutYou}

how insignificant is a fish in the sea?
aren't there trillions of fish?
yet the ocean is so big that there are vast places of just water

you are a fish
and the sea is God's love

do you swim in such great love?

but the second line gets the exclamation point!

the ocean is not contained in a fish
that's preposterous.
that's like something they'd tell you when you're doing quantum physics or nuclear chemistry

and yet
all that love
in me

sounds absurd
but you know it's true
or at least it could be

you know those illustrations they give in church?
you're a glass and God's a pitcher and he fills you up so much you overflow

how cute

please realize that to suggest God's love is like a pitcher of water is a sad disproportion
granted it's hard to bring the ocean inside to make a point
i guess they can't really do that

but that's the point!

and please realize that to suggest God fills you up so that water starts trickling over the side
is also a sad disproportion

no no
it would be more correct to throw the cup in the ocean

you
insignificant fish
can swim in a big ocean

and the ocean can be contained inside of you


and now...
it makes sense to say that in all their lifetimes
1000 people
with all the pens and paper in the world
could not begin to explain or grasp that

meaning

this is more of a test than anything else...but

part of a mewithoutYou song says this:
'or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken, open seed
If I come without a thing, I come with all I need'

crowns are absolutely nothing without a king
they're not even crowns really

broken, open seeds die
well, they were never alive
after that it never will be

interestingly enough
that is how we are to come to God

he makes us the crown on his head
he does the impossible and gives us life

he gives me life

when plants grow
they spread more life
maybe he'll use me to do that

another thing
a Classic Crime song says:
'A warrior poet once said
You're not dead yet so live like you could be
A warrior poet said
Have no regrets when you're old'

i like that idea
a warrior poet
poets write and say powerful things
warriors do powerful things

all very beautiful