love

i know i need you
i need to love you, lord
i love to see you, but it's been so long
i long to feel you
i feel this need for you
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?

now you've pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still i'm afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
lord, i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?

i hear you say:
my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you question 'is this for real?'
the times you're broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
i'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
i'm there through your heartache
i'm there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i don't care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends,
it never ends

(times by tenth avenue north)

callouses

goodness me
haven't posted this month still...
once again, sorry for the dry spell.

just got through reading some old blog posts...
remembering.

God made us to remember.
though i don't do a terribly good job at it.
i'm quick to forget the things he has done in my life.
quick to forget the things he has taught me.

it's frustrating when you read an old journal and find that the thing you are currently "learning" you supposedly had learned 2 years ago. :)

... i need to go back and reread my journals. particularly the non-sermon/bible study notes.
i need to be reminded of what God has done.
i need to see how much he loves me.


in the last couple weeks i have come to realize that i don't know God's love and grace very well.

i feel that so many people, particularly those who didn't grow up in a christian family, know God's grace. and they know his love. (maybe this is you)

many people are like this.
erin is like this.
she actually began to follow Christ when she was about the same age as me. but she went through... a change. it took many years of following Christ for her to see the change completely i think...
but her life then was very different than it is now.
back then, she saw so clearly the difference between the world she was part of and God's kingdom.
and now it's even experiential... she is part of God's kingdom and she knows it and sees it. she can see how far God had to bring her to remove her from the world.

me?
i never saw much of a change. at least not one that i remember.
i was not always part of God's kingdom i guess... but you could say i lived near the border, rather than in the heart of "the world".

don't misunderstand...
i need grace just as much as anyone else. if sin were something you could tally up, it wouldn't look pretty.

but the way i grew up...
i don't know what it's like to be without God's forgiveness and love and mercy. i have always been told about them.

so even at my very worst (which is just as bad as anyone else's worst) i knew about God's love in my head.

it's a good thing to always know God's love.

but i feel like it all got mixed up in my head.
cycles of rejecting god then running back to him have always happened so... quickly.
my heart has hardly (if ever) understood how far God has to bring me.

my heart is calloused.
the pain that sin should bring... usually feels more like a tingle.
the soft, healing touch that god brings,... i am numb to as well.

grace and love (or whatever downplayed versions that i usually accept) seem more like over-the-counter medicines.
God's grace and love should be more like surgery.

God doesn't walk next door to be with us.
he comes all the way from the heavens.

God didn't stub his toe to forgive us.
he suffered and died.

crossing from death to life isn't like crossing from america to canada.
it's like escaping from communist russia.

moving from the world to God's kindom isn't like swimming across a pool.
it's like swimming across the pacific ocean.


but my heart...
doesn't begin to grasp how tremendous this is.

i'm begging God to really help me see, know, and appreciate his Grace and Love.

dying

you're dying to live,
you're dying to know what love is.

and I'm dying to show you something more.

χάρις

we need to chill.

to stop working for his mercy,
because that's pride.
(working is done through him and after mercy does its work)

to stop discounting his grace,
because that's what we're doing when we don't believe it's enough for us.

and to let God love us.
because he wants to.


emotive unstable,
your like an
un
wind
ing
cable car.
listening for voices...
waiting for something? someone else?
but its the choices
that make us who we are.

so self-absorbed,
you seem to ignore
the prayers that have already come about!
go your own way,
if that's what you want...
even season have change;
just burn those new leaves over.

backing away from the problem of pain.
you never had a home.
you've been misguided.
you're hiding in shadows for so very long.
don't you see?
don't you believe that you've been decived,
that "your no better than..."?
the hair in your eyes, it never disguised
what your really thinking of.
(the lamp of the Lord searches the inmost being)

but

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

this
is the correlation
of Salvation and Love:

you
are so
brilliant!
don't soon forget!
you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.
don't soon forget!

peace

darn
i just realized i missed my 4th xanga anniversary by about a month
a while back i planned on celebrating

how crazy
to think i can look back 4 years ago at what was going on in my life from week to week
from a sophomore in high school to a sophomore in college

anyways

i shouldn't be on here now
it's 2:20
and i'm tired
and i have German homework due at 11

i've been really really busy
not necessarily all bad busy
but busy nonetheless

i need a moment to just let out a "BLAH"
:)

it's good that God has been close to my heart this week
and my mind too!

that's the hardest part for me
having God on my mind

i wish i could sing the first part of this one Misty Edwards song with 100% honesty...

"Always On His Mind"
Lord, I will seek You
On my bed, think upon You
In the day, I'll dream of You
You're always on my mind
With my whole heart I'll love You
With my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for You
You're always on my mind
Though I'm poor and needy, the Lord thinks upon me
Though His name is Holy, I'm always on His mind - I'm always on His mind
Though I'm weak and lowly, the Lord thinks about me
Though He's high and lofty, I'm always on His mind - I'm always on His mind
I'm in love with god
God's in love with me
Hey - Yeah
How far will You let me go? How abandoned will You let me be?

this worked out even better than i thought :)
i think he wants me to write this

because i was just going to say next that i'm thankful he holds me close despite my crazy mind.
exactly what the 2nd half says.

haha
and Nate talked about peace the other night
i completely forgot about that

i have been rather peaceful this week
despite many stresses
that's good :)

i just reread what i wrote on november 11, 2007
it goes with this well






God loves me :)






The work God has given me today is finished.

cooking and kids

i cooked last night

i made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, biscuits, and gravy for 11 people

i had some help...
though even there i was still pretty much directing it.
i'd never made fried chicken before so most of my attention was focused on hitting the mark between black and salmonella.
i think i could do it all on my own now that i know what i'm doing

and more than that...
it actually turned out to be good.

i'm proud and feel like telling of my conquests :)

in other news

today i was playing with two little kids and bags of gooey stuff.
water and flour... or maybe just generic manufactured slime?
well
between themselves they couldn't decide if it was grease or something from a bear's stomach.
i love them

my wife

i pray that i find a wife who is in many ways like Mae in Cinderella Man.

holy sonnet 15

by John Donne

Wilt thou love God as he thee? then digest,
My soul, this wholesome meditation,
How God the Spirit, by angels waited on
In heaven, doth make His temple in thy breast.
The Father having begot a Son most blest,
And still begetting—for he ne'er begun—
Hath deign'd to choose thee by adoption,
Co-heir to His glory, and Sabbath' endless rest.
And as a robb'd man, which by search doth find
His stolen stuff sold, must lose or buy it again,
The Sun of glory came down, and was slain,
Us whom He had made, and Satan stole, to unbind.
'Twas much, that man was made like God before,
But, that God should be made like man, much more.

father love

read these lyrics, it's the end of the song.
as you do picture a child and a father.
(real ones mind you. i don't mean that in some religious metaphoric whatever kind of way)

"The Stand"-by Hillsong United

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

Show me Your heart
Show me Your way
Show me Your glory

so this week was excellent. especially tuesday. I started volunteering at Sheltering Arms. a day care/preschool for less wealthy people's children basically. i'll let you look that up on your own if you're confused. basically i spent 3 hours playing with 4/5 year olds.

it was wonderful :)
It made my entire day perfect.
It definitely helped me be focused on God.
And definitely made me more in love with him.

And of course that night at Navs before getting to his message, Donnie pointed out some lyrics in the song we finished with...
the one I just showed you
he emphasized:
"So I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all"

He pointed out the way that paints a picture of a little child reaching up then being held close by their parent. How their heart is abandoned to their dad/mom.
He said he loves being a father because it's the best way ever to understand God's love for us. He tried to describe what it's like to have your daughter or son in your arms. Their heart abandoned, surrendered.

And I thought... wow. That sounds just like this morning. Sounds like the same feeling when you simply make a kid smile or laugh. Or when they hold your hand.
So... how much more if it's your own child!
And if they're completely abandoned to you, in your arms.

And apparently that's just a reflection of God's love.
What's the real thing like!?
...

(I'm glad our emotions are so limited. Otherwise we would surely explode.)

my week

woohoo
hi there

i decided to fast from the internet for the week. at least besides using it for communication and school work.
to get priorities down. and spend time with people. and focus on God.
it was a good idea.
i'll probably do it again every once in a while.
you should too.

and it was a good week. :)
filled with adventures

I've done a lot of bike riding. Just going back and forth all over the place for random stuff. One big trip into the city to the Police Department for a background check. :)
I got a TB test.
Got to hang out a few random times with Cody, Nathan, and Stephen.
Had dinner with most of the bible study guys.
Rode Marta up to visit Megan and have lunch between classes on Wednesday. :)
Learned how to make gravy.
Had a sweet time in a prayer room from 2-4 am.
Watched 6 Band of Brothers episodes with guys at the house.

And more...

And I'm not behind on homework yet. :)

book update...
Still working on Cost of Discipleship... getting there though. It was put to the side over the break to read other stuff.

I mentioned Redeeming Love. It's basically Hosea turned into a fiction book that takes place during the 1800s.
You should read it.
It was simply a neat picture of what God's persistent unconditional love looks like.

And I read Prince Caspian. Not the best of them, but it's good.

And I read Starving Jesus. By the xxxchurch guys.
Very similar to Cost of Discipleship actually. The gist of the message: if you have faith then get off your butt and act on it.

Well
I'm hungry and I've other things to do
later

people and christmas and reading

sorry i haven't written in a while dear Readers :)

i wanted to write many times during finals week so badly
but i was as studious as possible

and Christmas break, while full of "free time," has been slowly eaten away. between spending time with people, reading, and sleeping, i've had little other time

"spending time with people" is my favorite thing to do
Jon got Rock Band for Christmas. my brothers and I made a band. pretty much we're pretty big on the music scene these days. that was fun.
Reece, Nathan, and Jason came over last week. watched a sweet movie (Pan's Labyrinth) and talked a lot. and played with Nathan's iPhone. ^_^ we didn't fall asleep until like 6:30 the next morning. haven't done that in too long.
went and had coffee with Kate. just talking about all sorts of things. that's fun.
stayed up last night a little bit. had a sleepover in Jake's room. playing Oblivion.
hopefully going to Digger's tomorrow night for trivia?
and so on
it's the perfect way to spend time

Christmas
my favorite Christmas present was encouragement from God.

i was reminded how much he loves me.
he told me over and over again.

and he asked me to respond to this...
you can look on your own at what he said: John 21:15-19

And he also reminded me of these things...

2 Samuel 22, especially:

33 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

34 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

35 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

along with Judges 6:12...

"The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

other Christmas presents include...
new bike
german bible
airsoft pistol
new Falling Up cd
4x4x4 rubik's cube
a cool necklace
journal
Braveheart
a book- The Cost of Discipleship

i've been reading that book already actually. i'm about halfway through. borrowed it from Sterling. but i wanted my own copy.
i'll talk about it when i'm done reading it. it's good.

i also started reading a book called unChristian. about the way our culture/generation views Christianity. very interesting.

i read Prince Caspian on the way up to north carolina. i love Narnia. :)

i also read Redeeming Love. an incredible book. more on this later too i suppose.

for now i'm busy spending time with people
and this is distracting :)
and i'm sleepy :)

dance

isn't it nice to
stop

stop whatever is going on
go somewhere random
and think
and listen
and sing
and dance

i know a girl who once asked:
why do we walk with God through life?
i think we should dance.

i think there's a time for both
though the dancing is largely missed out on

"how's your walk with God been?
...that's good...
what about your dance?"

I think that's all that needs to be said here.

thanksgiving

Hope you all have as much to be thankful for as i do
blessed to the point where no amount of giving back would repay it
all you can do is express thankfulness

have a good Thanksgiving :)

(rest for goodness sake!)

You are more beautiful
Than anyone ever
Everyday You're the same
You never change, no never

And how could I ever deny
The love of my Savior
You are to me everything
All I need forever

How could You be so good to me?

There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You

Everywhere, You are there
Earth or air, surrounding
I'm not alone, the heavens sing along
My God You're so astounding
How could You be so good to me
Eternally I believe that

There is no one like You
There has never ever been anyone like You
You, You, You, You, You, You

How could You be so good to me?
How could You be so good to me?
We're not alone, so sing along
We're not alone, so sing along, sing along, sing along

There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There is no one like You
There has never been anyone like You
There his no one like our God, yeah

meaning of life

well, there's a lot that i could say now
maybe i can tie it up into one thing
warning, it may be long

first a song by classic crime

who needs air

I long to taste adventure like the nature of the sea,
Always moving, always hiding all the creatures from beneath.
Singing silent songs of sadness my heart waits for its chance,
To dance upon the ashes of my burned up little plans.
{if only we desired to dance on the ashes of our plans more often}

And I stand alone before the night.
My nakedness is so clear in the glow of the moonlight.
Life is old but so short.
We are young we want more.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

You don't need air.

My addiction to danger like the rush of the sea,
Like a wave on the rocks the lessons crash down on me. {that hurts usually...}
I don't need to prove the world to you only to myself.
So step back and look away as I dive into the swell.

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?
I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you got what I got, what I got, what I got
You don't need air.

Take me down to the river like a little child,
Take my hand and tell me its okay to be wild. {oh yes God, please}
I never knew the world until I saw through your eyes,
I never knew my self until I ripped off my disguise. {...who am i then?}

I'm drowning, but I don't care,
Because when you've got what I got, what I got, what I got
Who needs air?

[I have come to the realization that life is more than what I have accomplished.
And life is more then the realization that we have accomplished nothing at all.
True success is so selfless so drown in the lyrics of your life
and give up the air that you breathe.
You don't need anything.]
{He means besides what he's got. Besides the Air of Life.}


That makes me excited.
Things like that tend to.
I read The Vision the other day and it made me cry.

Maybe you're a girl or something and you do that too often. and that's a bad thing to you.
But for me it's a good thing. it doesn't happen enough.

Anyways

But then I have to go and discourage myself.

I guess the biggest thing that discourages me is when I start trying to breathe air again. Instead of God.

But I just never see it coming until it's happened!

or maybe that's just an excuse...
i dunno

Will we ever get things right?

I mean, you're supposed to give yourself to God right?
And he works on you, making you better

But I'll never be perfect!
It seems idiotic.

It's like God's trying so hard to do something that will never happen.

It's not all God though.
My effort goes in here somewhere... right?

Again, I get discouraged
because most of the time as soon as I try harder
and put effort into doing things right
i fail

I suppose that's because... I can't do things right without God

But then we're back where we started!!

argh...

But then I realize...

i guess...
that...

That's the idea.

I never will deserve God's love.
He doesn't ask that I reach some level.
And then it's all good.

Nonono

I am eternally screwed.

And yet...
eternally loved away from death by God.
he loves me... anyways

Do you see how deep our debt is?
It's infinite.

Oh no! more discouragement
i'm so in debt!

but... he doesn't ask that we pay it back...?
(thats good, i can't...)

He just wants us to receive it.
it is... a gift i suppose

Imagine your parents gave you something that incredible for Christmas.

And now good ol' five iron
this is the thought process i've been through in all this.
my thought process every time I have to teach myself what life is.

every new day

When I was young, the smallest trick of light, Could catch my eye,
Then life was new and every new day, I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for, And I hoped for things unseen,
I had wings and dreams could soar, {i used to be that way... But wait... maybe I still am, and I just can't see it.... read my xanga for today}

I just don't feel like flying anymore.
When the stars threw down their spears, Watered Heaven with their tears,
{oh God help me}

Before words were spoken, Before eternity.
Dear Father, I need you, Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher, Every new day again.

When I was small, the furthest I could reach, reach, was not so high,
then, I thought the world was so much smaller, feeling I, could fly.
Through distant deeps and skies, behind infinity,
below the face of Heaven, he stoops to create me. {again, praise God}

{discouraged. again.}
Man versus himself. Man versus machine. Man versus the world. mankind versus me.
The struggles go on, the wisdom I lack,
the burdens keep piling up on my back.
So hard to breathe, to take the next step.
The mountains is high,
I wait in the depths.
Yearning for grace, and hoping for peace.
Dear God... increase.

Healing hands of God have mercy on our unclean souls once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition,
without a beginning or an end.
Here’s my heart, let it be forever Your’s,
only you can make every new day seem so new.
{that means more than... when i wake up in the morning God makes me happy}

only you can make every new day seem so new.

(EVIL GRIN)
I leave you with an absolutely horrible
and absolutely beautiful thing I just thought of.

here is the Matlab code of God (sorry i go to Tech)
______________________
your_glory=false %I suck
your_worth=0 %therefore I'm worth nothing

Gods_love=true %but God loves me?

while Gods_love==true
your_worth= your_worth +1 %he gives me worth?
end
______________________

(by the way that just means we have no worth
but then God loves us
and gives us worth.
But there's a mistake in the code. [there must be!, we shout]
at some point after "while" Gods_love should =false.
Or else the code loops forever...)

This would give your computer an error.
It can't handle the numbers. They're too big.

Apparently God can do it.

Crazy.

So

Go
and live like God makes you worth something.
Because is trying so hard to.

patience

more about friends...

how awful it is when a friend just
isn't being a friend to you

how tragic it is to lose a friend

i fear that in my life i've lost two best friends
and many other friends
in my life

whether it was because we just went different ways
or we were part of different groups
or whatever

the worst however
is when a friend changes.
and just... isn't
a friend anymore

i don't understand it

see one person in particular is on my heart
i love this person to death

but it feels like a lost cause!

like falling in love with a girl you know will never return the love

it's just friendship instead of romance

it hurts

oh yes it hurts
and it's half driving me crazy

i've no clue what insanity it would lead me to if God didn't keep my eyes on himself

how does this happen?
it doesn't make sense
why have you shut yourself off from me?
what did I do?


how can i be a friend back?
friendships take effort from both sides

i suppose it's not a friendship anymore?

maybe i'm just overdramatic

the thing is
this person needs my friend-love
so badly

i am humbled

because you see
i nearly don't want to give it

i want to say
fine.
goodbye.
see how you do without me.


but God says not to do that?

it's easy to love those who love you
and actually
i think it's not too hard to love those who hate you, much of the time

but how hard it is to love the people in between
who just don't get it

i'm nearly sick of the burden
and sick of praying for somebody who doesn't want it

but if i give that up
i am nothing

precious time

don't waste one minute
when you are around people

one day they probably won't be there anymore
one day all the influence you had on them will prove itself
one day they will be too far away to hear your words

and then...
then everything hangs upon what you did
while you were still together

see this weekend i got to spend time with people back home
i was so busy!
because there was always somebody to be doing something with

certainly i had to make time to be alone
to be by myself

but this past week i realized that...
i have been friends with (and even simply known)
so many people.

what did that matter?

it's interesting to see who i've had an impact on and who i haven't

i've been thinking about how...
there were all those people
and now they're out there on their own
like i was their parent, and now they're grown up
only... not a parent
but a friend

i'm not there anymore to tell them if something's wrong.
the thing that kills me most i think
is how i'm not there to encourage them

i can go home for the weekend
and talk to people there
but now i'm back at school

clearly this is where God wants me at
and i'm okay with that
but i still love the people i've...
left behind or parted from

and i miss them
(or depending on who you are)
i miss you

i wanted to go to the student leadership meeting
to tell them the things i think should be fixed
to laugh with them
to encourage them

but it's not...
my youth group anymore

it's hard to let go of

same thing with single friends

i got to spend some time with...
my brother, for example
and i can love him
and have fun with him
and encourage him

but now...
i'm not there with him anymore

when i go to.. church for example
i feel like I'm on a mission
to find certain people that i know
and talk to them
see what's going on with them

i spent some time with one person in particular
and it was nice
i hope it helped
But...

here i am
at school

then there are my friends who have also left home
who have dispersed across the state and country
i love them
but i hardly get to see them now

ANYWAYS

what i'm getting at
is...

what did i mean to those people?

because...
now the influence i have on them is so limited
i'm not there every day, every week

and it's not that at some point i controlled their lives
like some overprotective parent

but God used me to do something in those people

did i use my time wisely?

how much more could God have done with me if i realized how precious my time with them was?

people and friends aren't just problems to solve
"things" to "work on"

don't get the wrong idea

it's just that...
i sort of realized what it's like to be... a parent
what it's like to see the people that you invested so much in...
on their own

they have to make their own mistakes
figure things out without me there

everyone is quite capable of that ^_^
i don't claim to be mr. fix-it

but i wish i could be there to help everybody along

and i can't be

time is up

Do I,
Do you
love people
like time is running out?

church bells

song lyrics....
they're incredibly perfect
sorry i put up song lyrics so often
God just really speaks to me a lot through things i read. whether that's books, poems, songs, whatever.
i'll try to be better at commenting on them myself...

' asleep in the chapel'
by thursday

three chalk outlines sleep in the dirty street
and in our beds, under the sheets
they're the halo of guilt hanging around your neck
next to the rosary you count, falling asleep

and we're praying
these are the symptoms of letting go of all our hope

since we can't compete with martyred saints
we'll douse ourselves in gasoline
and hang our bodies from the lampposts
so that our shadows turn into bright lights

'white light, white heat' we'll make
as we're blacking out in the center lane
(we swerve) to the beat, (spill) all the ink
(no revisions) do you hear the church bells ringing?

wake up!! wake up in an outline and try to speak
with the shattered voice of the lives we lead...
have we slept too long
between the bullet holes in a stained-glass window state?

and we're praying
these are the symptoms of letting go of all our hope
(when we repent)
and we're praying
(we fall on the page, read in the margins)
we are the symptoms of letting go of all our hope

someday we'll be complete like modern saints
baptize our kids in gasoline
and hang our doubts up in cathedrals
so that they turn to faith in the colored sunlight

'red rain, red rain' we'll make
as we're blacking out in the center lane
(we swerve) to the beat, (spill) all the ink
(no revisions) do you hear the church bells ringing?

they ring for you.

we woke up this morning to a sky with no air in it
and all the streets are filled with a thousand burning crosses
and what we thought was the sunrise, just passing headlights
still the choir girls sing, 'oh lord, can you save us? oh lord, sing hallelujah'

they are the symptoms of letting go of all our hope...
we're falling asleep with open eyes
falling asleep inside the chapel
falling asleep in chalk outlines
falling asleep as the headlights pass us by...


there are a few things to notice
things i like

first is the gasoline baptism
what a beautiful picture
John baptized with water
what does that mean? my understanding has always been like a washing off of sin
you confess your dirtiness to God and he forgives you
the baptism is symbolic of what's going on
is that what baptism is today?

God changed things a bit
he baptizes us with the Holy Spirit it says
with himself
in Acts he came into our hearts
we use that phrase a lot
i like the way it says it in 'The Vision': we've had a blood transfusion with Jesus
that's what it means

he came upon them like fire!
why do we have cuddly happy baptisms
let us stop baptizing with water
and smiling at our friends about how happy it is
let us come to God ready for him to ignite us on fire
and let us spread this idea
to our friends
and one day to our children
why must we be "Christians"
why can't we be modern saints
modern Stephens
modern Peters
modern Pauls

see
so many are asleep
i would drop the word Christian if it was possible
Christians, as defined by the world today, are asleep
maybe in church, but very asleep
they disagree over every other thing
many go to church just once or twice a year
heck, many go to church every week
and are still asleep

wake up!! wake up!
the church bells ring for you
church bells were created to let the people around know that they needed to stop what they were doing
and come to church
come to God
can you hear them ringing for you?

or are you so distracted by school,
your girlfriend,
a cute boy,
your weight,
your friends,
your problems (as real as they may be),
video games,
sports,
marching band,
that you don't even realize that they are ringing?

and
when you do hear
and you are stunned
and you vow to not go back to sleep...
do you lay in bed just one more minute
and fall back asleep in its warmth and comfort?

i see that happening all around me
i do it too i know
how sad

just because you're eyes are open and you're alive
doesn't mean you are awake
are you falling asleep, in a chalk outline?
are you in the church, but still sleeping?

wake up