happenings

hmm
haven't written much in a while.
and the last (two) were really just for fun.

on friday...

david, erin, chelsea, and i won a lottery thing and got cheap tickets to Wicked.
it was great. :)
i haven't been to anything theatrical in a while. it was nice.
and a very entertaining play. i like how it fits into Wizard of Oz.
and i like how friendship is the main theme. there aren't enough stories about friendship.

then i put in braveheart at 1am, planning on watching just the beginning.
but i guess i was too tired to get up and turn it off, because we watched the whole thing...

on saturday...

i went with athelia and adell to a park downtown. my church was doing this... homeless outreach thing of sorts. and stephanie was part of it- a bunch of artists were drawing in the sidewalks. i hadn't seen her in too long. it was nice. especially to hear about what she did this summer... i helped support her, but hadn't really heard any details about how it went yet. it makes me so happy to see how God used a bit of my money.

i so look forward to having a job which gives me plenty of money, so that i can do neat things with it.

since we were late getting out to/back from the park, i missed the first half of our football game. when we returned i took a little nap and watched the end of the game. we didn't win well... but we won. and now tech is (a) ranked! and (b) the highest ranked team in the acc! :) that's exciting.

then i reminisced over five iron frenzy for a while.
and had a grilled cheese for lunch. i love having my own frying pan. it makes such yummy grilled cheese sandwiches.

in the evening was a swing dance, which was wonderful!
i haven't been swing dancing in months now.
and there were a bunch of girls there that i knew.
i've decided it's more fun for me to dance with people i know. i'm comfortable with grabbing any random girl and dancing. but i thoroughly enjoy being ridiculous, and trying to figure out old moves, and making up silly new ones, and laughing a lot. and this is simply more doable with friends. dancing with the girls who had never been before was nice, because (a) i felt free to keep it simple if i wanted and (b) dancing with an unconfident person makes you feel more confident. :) and carol (a nearby PL) was a lot of fun to dance with too- our skill level was well matched.

demyan, carol, erin, and chelsea came over afterward and watched... some old black and white movie from the 30s. one of those... dancing guy loves a girl, singing in the rain type movies. not braveheart. but i was very pleased with a lot of the humor. :)

on sunday...

i did almost nothing except... take a shower, eat, journal, eat, and go to church.

today...

i am happy and satisfied.

a song we sang at church meant a lot to me. particularly the chorus (which i put at the end). i remember loving it, but haven't heard it in a while.

Satisfied

All my life long, I had thirsted
For a drink from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Feeding on the filth around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul's sad cry.

Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.

Hallelujah! He has found me
The One my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings
Through His blood I now am saved.

hilltop

hey guys

things have been pretty nuts lately

i moved back to school on sunday, august 3rd if you didn't hear.

i'm now a georgia tech peer leader (PL for short)
basically an RA
except exclusively for freshmen. and therefore our aim is not at all just to be the hall police, but rather to build a community. the main objective of the job is to help freshmen adjust to college and feel at home here.

we had training all last week. which was basically 12 hours a day minus meals and occasional down time between sessions. sometimes boring, sometimes exciting, sometimes useful. but anyways, its over now.
then on sunday we had a free/fun day.

of course up to this point, most free time has gone to preparing the hall and doing paperwork.

but it has been excellent!
PLs are generally pretty fun people i think. which makes sense because otherwise we would be less likely to be hired for the job.
and so becoming friends with these people i'll be working with has been an absolute joy.

there are 20 of us under our hall director, and most of them i can now call "friend."
they're all such beautiful people.
i just can't express how wonderful the time with them has been. :)

so that's exciting.

today was the first day that i could sleep in and do more rest/personal stuff than work in quite a while i feel.

it will be interesting to see how things balance out as the year starts.
this job that i have now is a big one. not in a bad way... it's perfect and i love it.
but it is big. between Navs, PLing, and school i think my plate will be very full...

i'll be learning a lot about managing time and priorities.
i'll be learning a lot about myself.
i'll be learning a lot about working with people.
i'll be learning how to come out of my introvert shell like never before.
i'll be learning how to show people love.
i'll have to learn how to depend on God more.

tomorrow the first small wave of freshmen move in. (a very small handful of band kids moved in today) and then starting thursday they'll be coming in droves. and of course that shoots right into school.

so this moment
now
is like being at the top of a hill in a wagon and getting ready for that one
tiny
push that will inch the wheels into motion.
into one crazy
scary
and exciting ride...

Gott tut's!

do you like the header i made?
(you can only see it in blogspot of course)
cause i think it's rather spiffy :)

anyways, down to business...
this'll be long...

so i'm back from germany now
though i think it'll take a while before i'm completely back.
there's a lot of unpacking and organizing to do still
and people to see
and people to call
and things to take care of that popped up while i was gone
and letters to write to supporters
and lots of thoughts and memories to digest
and so on...
which all has to fit inside of day to day life. :)

but for now i'm at work with not much to do...
so i'll summarize the trip for now
and hopefully get to things learned and whatnot by the end.


the plane ride there was an adventure...
(i flew to Paris and then to Hamburg)
for one, because i was alone. never traveled alone very far before. never on a plane. and never to foreign countries!
also, in Atlanta they only gave me one boarding pass and said it would work for both planes, which makes no sense... but i just accepted it.
well when i landed in Paris (disappointed that none of its famous landmarks were visible from the plane window) i had to move as fast as possible to get to my connecting flight. it felt like the Atlanta airport, but with no effective transit between concourses.
and then there was also a bit of trouble with no boarding pass of course, but it worked out.

to no surprise, when i got to hamburg i learned that my bag had been left in Paris. as fast as i had to move to get to my 2nd plane, i would have been blown away if it had made it as well. :)

and then there was a few minutes of panic as i went outside and there was nobody there to pick me up...
they were just running a bit late thankfully. :)

after a few hours in a bus...
Kiel!


Kiel has a population of about 250,000 and is on the baltic sea about 50 miles from denmark.
in the next week or so about 3.5 million people came through the city for the annual "Kieler Woche" (Kiel week)
Kieler Woche is part sailing competition and part summer festival.
we never actually got around to seeing any of the competition; it took place a few miles north, up the coast.

the first two days we pretty much spent getting to know each other, preparing for the next week, and learning.

our team was awesome!
all different ages... mostly college students and adults.
there was a church group from ohio (whose pastor was english),
a few other random folks from arizona, florida, and atlanta,
two guys from northern ireland,
a finnish couple,
a handful from brazil,
a south african,
and germans from all over their country.
about 40 in all- half americans.

i love my new friends. :)


the training was incredibly helpful...
they did a great job teaching us about german culture...
about the general view of religion, the way people would react to us, and so on.

i had thought most germans considered themselves christians (even if they weren't really)
but if that's true... then these cultural christians avoided us at all costs.
i met very few people who called themselves christians. and of those maybe just 1 or 2 weren't legit.
they're becoming less and less afraid to come outright and say what they believe- that they don't buy into Jesus- i think.

most were either atheist or... postmodern (all religions are the same)

poor germans :(
i think they're rather decieved by their culture.
because they so rarely had a thought out reason to believe what they did.
culture says there is no God- and you could they ate it up without questioning.

then there's the primary rule of german culture- beliefs/religion are a personal matter.
they don't like to talk about beliefs- it's none of your business.

and i felt like that reinforces the postmodern culture...
if they refuse to believe there is no God, this one tries to catch them saying... okay, there is a God, but getting to him is a personal thing for you to do your own way.

of the 250,000 people who live in Kiel, the christians estimate (optimistically) that perhaps around 2000 go to a church once a week where they can hear the gospel.
less than 1%.
:(
(thankfully the good churches do a good job working together i think)

the thing is, germany is a lot like the states.
except worse. (perhaps like the north...)
they're very friendly people... :)
but you can't preach to them.
it's not like most countries we've been to on mission trips, where you can gather a bunch of people around, perform a drama, and talk about God.
people won't give you the time.
and [they think] they've heard it all before.

we described it this way...
you can't be a paperboy- zooming past people, throwing the news onto their doorstep.
you have to be bridge builders, connection makers, conversation starters, listeners.


so our mission was...
first to trigger conversations. simply by being present, and sometimes putting a question out there- something to make people think and perhaps react.

we all got shirts to wear throughout the week...
they're bright blue and say "Gott tut's!" on the front and back. It's tough to translate, but it literally means "God does it!" or "God is doing it!"
it's not a typical religious phrase in german, and it doesn't really make complete sense out of context.
our team and lots of the christians in the city wore them all week, and so many conversations were started just because people wanted to know what we were there for, or what the shirt meant.

another tactic was to do nice things for people
like offer to walk umbrella-less people around when it rained. :)

and yet another was to go into the middle of the festivities with signs...
like we had one hanging from a ladder that said "how do you get to heaven?"
and another which said "i only believe what my right neighbor believes"- a number of people would all stand in a line and each hold one (basically to show how silly it is to not think for yourself)
we made all sorts of signs...
we made heads turn like crazy
and we got every sort of reaction... laughs, frowns, smiles...
and sometimes a conversation. :)

also, some of us tried out using a survey- asking a few friendly questions about the festival and finally asking what they thought about "Gott tut's!"
it was tough to get people to do it i think, but it helped to play the american card- they're a bit more open to talk about beliefs with foreigners.

anyways,
that's what we were up against.
and that's what we did.


on a typical day i got up around 9, had a shower and quick breakfast, and then walked 10-15 minutes to the church we were using as home base.
we started off each day with some songs, a devotion/teaching time, prayer, and storytelling about the day before.
after lunch we grabbed got into groups, grabbed some signs/bibles/materials, and went down to the festival.
we'd come back for dinner at 6 and then go out once more for a few hours.
then went home and spent a bit of time with my host.
it was usually midnight by the time i made it to bed each night.

we all had hosts to stay with...
i was in a little apartment with a 30something single guy, Torsten, who was pretty cool.
he was incredibly hospitable...
bought me different yummy german breads for breakfast each day, let me use his computer whenever i wanted, and other nice things. :)


one morning we got up and he took me an hour south to an old city named Lübeck. it's on an island in the middle of the river and was a major trading city back in the middle ages. there were only 4 big bridges/gates into the city, which you can still see (one had a museum in it), and beautiful old churches and buildings. on the way back we drove past the sea and he treated me to a crazy awesome fish feast. i think that one meal doubled how many different kinds of fish i've eaten before. and possibly the amount as well... it was crazy delicious. :)

other out of the ordinary things...

the soccer games. :)
germany played in the quarterfinals and semifinals of the eurocup while i was there.
goodness gosh...
they get excited about soccer. particularly when they win.
seriously
think of the biggest sporting event you've ever been to, and imagine the home team won. think of all the people outside the stadium.
imagine that most of them don't really have somewhere to be- they're not rushing to get to their car to beat the traffic. they're pretty patient and relaxed. waving flags, honking car horns, cheering...
now imagine it's like that throughout the city, not just next to the stadium.
and now imagine that the stadium is actually hundreds of miles away in another country. but even still, this city is going crazy. along with every other city in the country!
it was nuts.

there was a little sailing boat at the festival named Elida that was working with the churches. each night one of the churches' band would play on the ship.
so we joined them there on two evenings. the church group from ohio had come prepared to perform the lifehouse skit! how cool is that? :) (this should be it, if you haven't seen)
so they did they would do that along the walkway and otherwise we'd talk to people that stopped by the boat/to see the drama.

on the first sunday we were there, the "evangelic alliance" (all the legit churches) had a big service planned. it was supposed to be in a park, but the threat of rain pushed it inside. basically it was about pushing the "Gott tut's!" action among the people there. we let them know about what we're doing, and how they can join. and a few of their pastors preached and told them to help us!
it was also fun because we got to sing worship songs in german. :)

one night i and the finns went to this one guy's bible study.
more singing in german.
and he asked us to talk to the guys there about what we were doing in germany. and we shared with them our testimonies. and i got to encourage them a little bit i think, from a few thoughts and an old sermon i heard.
that was a neat time.


this brings me to another huge goal of ours-
to encourage the church in Kiel.

i had thought about this before going a little, but after being there for a few days i realized that this is the biggest reason that we were there.
and it was probably my favorite part too...
i loved spending time with them, hearing their stories, and encouraging them.

we were only there for 2 weeks.
and while we might have played a huge role in the lives of some random people,
it's the home church that will bring about change in the long term.
especially in a society where time and relationships are particularly vital for real change.

so it really was a blessing to see them encouraged by us.
for them to see people give up a lot and come from around the world to help them for 2 short weeks.
hopefully for them (just as for us back home!) evangelism will become each day more of a lifestyle than an event.


so i guess that pretty much covers what happened...
now for the things i learned...

i learned a lot about germany...
what the culture is like- particularly in the north- and how to bring the gospel to it.
that a 16 year old drinking age is the dumbest idea ever. (alcohol was quite a problem)
that it's nice to walk and bike places instead of having to drive.
that eating different kinds of bread from a real bakery is nice.
and so on.

i learned that i can have a conversation in german. :)
it takes me a bit to get warmed up i think. and at this point talking too much german wears me out.
but i know i can use it, and i don't doubt that i'm capable of getting better!
most germans can speak english...
but they're not all exactly experts at it. they're german. they speak german with each other.
a few times, in the bible study for example, i was around all german speakers. so it was nice for them that they didn't to translate for me. :)
i got pretty good at understanding... mostly need to work on speaking.
(though i think i'm bad enough at forming sentences in english :))

i believe God will send me back.
for a longer period of time.
though i'm not sure how long. or when. or where...
but i don't need to know these things yet. :)
i was pretty surprised when he answered this question very clearly in the first couple days there.
i just kept getting the feeling the whole time that i was learning and practicing. that the things we were doing were incredibly important of course...
but also that, personally, i was being prepared for something bigger.

and i learned that spiritual warfare is going on even here at home like crazy!
i feel that, on previous mission trips, satan's opposition has always been at least a little bit more evident and visible than at home.
well... i guess i expected germany to be that way too... but it wasn't.
on the contrary... it was just like home!
when my alarm went off in the mornings i wanted to keep sleeping. i would get tired in the middle of the day and feel like sleeping instead of praying. i would get impatient with people. and so on.
like i said... on the trips i've done before it was like i was ready for these, and could see them coming and happening.
but in germany it took me a while ever time to realize what was happening!
... just like home....
i guess i've decided that satan's biggest tactic here in the states (and similar places) is to make us ignorant of his existence and activity.


those are the biggest things...

if you've read this whole thing, then congratulations. :)
please ask me about it still if you see me... there's plenty of details and stories to tell!
Perhaps when you do, you could ask a more detailed question to help me out. :)

anyways
make sure you see the pictures on facebook :)

Auf Wiedersehen!

ascension day

wow
Ascension Day
40 days after the resurrection. (Acts 1:3)
It's this Thursday!
anyone have good celebration ideas? :)

has anyone else thought of this before? Ascension Day?
i sure haven't

but why not?!
in fact, if i only got to choose one "holy-day"
i'd take this.
forget Christmas and Easter.

that God would become a man
is an astonishing miracle.

that God would die to give me (us) life,
that God would, on top of that, defeat death,
is twice as absurd. and twice the miracle.

that God would ascend to heaven after these things,
that is, God would sit down on his rightful throne
as King
is...

logical?
not so unexpected perhaps?
it really isn't a miracle.
He's freaking God!
of course he would do that.

well,
i suppose it's this... expectation of ours
which causes us to downplay things.

because while it may not be so absurd,
i think it's safe to say that this is the
BIGGEST
thing he could ever do.

it's the most important.
it's the whole point, you know?



okay, this may sound a little funny,
but sometimes i start thinking...
even if God never came to earth,
even if he never died for us,
even if he never rose from the dead,
he still deserves our praise
our worship
our lives.

why?

for one,
he made us.

on top of that,
he is just plain worthy of it
-for who he IS
and for the things he has DONE.

methinks there's a lot of complicated theology in all this,
but don't worry about it.
the point of what i'm saying
is that
God is GOD.

as one of his disciples,
i don't love and serve and follow him
just because
he loved me first.
i do those things because he is God.
this is why you serve a King.

if he is a King as loving as God, then that's incredible!
if he rules such a wonderful Kingdom, that's great!

now, if the Rightful King
is a bad king,
perhaps you would choose to rebel.

BUT
it does not change the fact that
he
IS the Rightful King.
And as such, he is the rightful recipient
of your service, your loyalty, your life.

dear reader, this is how a monarchy works.
do you understand?
because this is how things are.
to quote the great theologian, Bob Dylan: you gotta serve somebody.

you are part of some kingdom. and kingdoms have kings.
and YOU are subject to one.

in this world, you can practically break everything down into just two kingdoms.
YOU get to decide (for now) which one you will subject yourself to.

first is what we'll call "the kingdom of darkness"
and generally we name Satan as the king of this.
second is "the kingdom of heaven"
it is the kingdom of God.
(Colossians 1:13 is a quick picture of this)

God created the world. it is his kingdom.
but we committed treason in subjecting ourselves to the kingdom of darkness and its ruler.

nevertheless,
God is the original, true, Rightful King.
(the ENTIRE reason that Jesus came was to usher [back] in his kingdom, and to let as many people know about it as possible so that they could join him. Matthew 4:17)

it's pivotal that you understand this before we move on...



so
why Ascension Day?

read Luke 24:50-52 real quick...
"When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshiped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy."
(there, now you have no excuse not to)

why are they happy?
when Jesus was around they were pretty content.
then he died. and things got pretty depressing.
then he's back alive! with them again!
and now...
he's leaving?
after just 40 days
but there's not a single tear shed
in fact, it seems like they're happier than ever.
why?

now look at Daniel 7:9-14
(i'll summarize the first bit)
first we get a picture of God's throne. (it's pretty cool :))
next we see a beast, Satan, slain and destroyed.
then in verses 13 and 14...

"In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed."

so there's this "son of man."
a man.
he approaches God. comes into God's presence.

do you see what he is given? (sound anything like Matthew 28:18?)
Authority
Glory
Sovereign Power
Everlasting Dominion
a Kingdom
people worship him

it's Jesus!

at first glance, it sounds like something from end times.
but this is where Jesus is brought TO God.
this is a picture of what is happening AFTER that bit from Luke 24.

THIS
is what happens when Jesus ascends to heaven.

now whether or not it has "already" happened i don't quite understand.
it's not important.
God exists outside of time, so it probably doesn't work that way anyways. :)
so yes, it's already happened. it's happening right now too. and it's going to happen tomorrow.


THE POINT
is that Jesus
is now the King.
Jesus is Lord.

this is HUGE
this is EVERYTHING

Can you think of the last time God ruled as king of the earth?
Eden.
Is there anything to make us think his kingdom will be any different now?

he descended to earth
-giving us a picture of the King and his kingdom!
"Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father." (John 14:9)

he died for us and defeated death
-giving us access to the King and his kingdom!
"For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves." Colossians 1:13

and now...
Jesus has ascended to heaven.
the Rightful King has returned to power.

Happy Ascension Day

peace

darn
i just realized i missed my 4th xanga anniversary by about a month
a while back i planned on celebrating

how crazy
to think i can look back 4 years ago at what was going on in my life from week to week
from a sophomore in high school to a sophomore in college

anyways

i shouldn't be on here now
it's 2:20
and i'm tired
and i have German homework due at 11

i've been really really busy
not necessarily all bad busy
but busy nonetheless

i need a moment to just let out a "BLAH"
:)

it's good that God has been close to my heart this week
and my mind too!

that's the hardest part for me
having God on my mind

i wish i could sing the first part of this one Misty Edwards song with 100% honesty...

"Always On His Mind"
Lord, I will seek You
On my bed, think upon You
In the day, I'll dream of You
You're always on my mind
With my whole heart I'll love You
With my mind and my strength too
Waste my life searching for You
You're always on my mind
Though I'm poor and needy, the Lord thinks upon me
Though His name is Holy, I'm always on His mind - I'm always on His mind
Though I'm weak and lowly, the Lord thinks about me
Though He's high and lofty, I'm always on His mind - I'm always on His mind
I'm in love with god
God's in love with me
Hey - Yeah
How far will You let me go? How abandoned will You let me be?

this worked out even better than i thought :)
i think he wants me to write this

because i was just going to say next that i'm thankful he holds me close despite my crazy mind.
exactly what the 2nd half says.

haha
and Nate talked about peace the other night
i completely forgot about that

i have been rather peaceful this week
despite many stresses
that's good :)

i just reread what i wrote on november 11, 2007
it goes with this well






God loves me :)






The work God has given me today is finished.

this week

hope your week was as great as mine!

i ate a red pickle
turns out that's a pickled plum

went swing dancing last night
by the end i was doing a decent job i think
even made up a thing or two of my own :)

today i went to Cody's
first we played a war game that i sucked at :)
then we played some cheap yet incredible awesome arcade-type game where you basically flew around in space above a planet and shot asteroids and aliens. A simple, old school game. Turns out those are still some of the best.

took some nice pictures

and got a job as a Peer Leader for next year. :)
(if you don't go to Tech, that's an RA for freshmen basically)
i'm quite excited about this.
i'll be somewhere in Freeman/Fitten/Montag. i'd originally hoped to be on east campus... but i've decided i'm quite okay with this now.
and I think my hall director is a Christian. which... will make it even better in many ways i think.


pray that I figure out what to do this summer in the next week...


I'm Not Running- Cool Hand Luke

For the message
Of the cross is
Foolishness
To those who are perishing
But to us
Being saved
It’s the power
Of God (I Corinthians 1:18)

There’s no turning back
Unless we’re turning back to you

I’m not running away from this
I’m not falling asleep
I’m not taking a bribe from anyone for anything
I’m not running away from this
I’m not falling asleep
I’m not turning back on the one thing that I know

We’re the foolish
We’re the weak ones
We’re the lowly
And despised things that are not
God will take us
He will shape us
He will make us
Nullify the things that are (I Corinthians 1:27-28)
There’s no turning back
Unless we’re turning back to you

I have given up on breathing and all I need is You
I am never going down for air again

cooking and kids

i cooked last night

i made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, biscuits, and gravy for 11 people

i had some help...
though even there i was still pretty much directing it.
i'd never made fried chicken before so most of my attention was focused on hitting the mark between black and salmonella.
i think i could do it all on my own now that i know what i'm doing

and more than that...
it actually turned out to be good.

i'm proud and feel like telling of my conquests :)

in other news

today i was playing with two little kids and bags of gooey stuff.
water and flour... or maybe just generic manufactured slime?
well
between themselves they couldn't decide if it was grease or something from a bear's stomach.
i love them

my week

woohoo
hi there

i decided to fast from the internet for the week. at least besides using it for communication and school work.
to get priorities down. and spend time with people. and focus on God.
it was a good idea.
i'll probably do it again every once in a while.
you should too.

and it was a good week. :)
filled with adventures

I've done a lot of bike riding. Just going back and forth all over the place for random stuff. One big trip into the city to the Police Department for a background check. :)
I got a TB test.
Got to hang out a few random times with Cody, Nathan, and Stephen.
Had dinner with most of the bible study guys.
Rode Marta up to visit Megan and have lunch between classes on Wednesday. :)
Learned how to make gravy.
Had a sweet time in a prayer room from 2-4 am.
Watched 6 Band of Brothers episodes with guys at the house.

And more...

And I'm not behind on homework yet. :)

book update...
Still working on Cost of Discipleship... getting there though. It was put to the side over the break to read other stuff.

I mentioned Redeeming Love. It's basically Hosea turned into a fiction book that takes place during the 1800s.
You should read it.
It was simply a neat picture of what God's persistent unconditional love looks like.

And I read Prince Caspian. Not the best of them, but it's good.

And I read Starving Jesus. By the xxxchurch guys.
Very similar to Cost of Discipleship actually. The gist of the message: if you have faith then get off your butt and act on it.

Well
I'm hungry and I've other things to do
later

people and christmas and reading

sorry i haven't written in a while dear Readers :)

i wanted to write many times during finals week so badly
but i was as studious as possible

and Christmas break, while full of "free time," has been slowly eaten away. between spending time with people, reading, and sleeping, i've had little other time

"spending time with people" is my favorite thing to do
Jon got Rock Band for Christmas. my brothers and I made a band. pretty much we're pretty big on the music scene these days. that was fun.
Reece, Nathan, and Jason came over last week. watched a sweet movie (Pan's Labyrinth) and talked a lot. and played with Nathan's iPhone. ^_^ we didn't fall asleep until like 6:30 the next morning. haven't done that in too long.
went and had coffee with Kate. just talking about all sorts of things. that's fun.
stayed up last night a little bit. had a sleepover in Jake's room. playing Oblivion.
hopefully going to Digger's tomorrow night for trivia?
and so on
it's the perfect way to spend time

Christmas
my favorite Christmas present was encouragement from God.

i was reminded how much he loves me.
he told me over and over again.

and he asked me to respond to this...
you can look on your own at what he said: John 21:15-19

And he also reminded me of these things...

2 Samuel 22, especially:

33 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

34 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

35 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

along with Judges 6:12...

"The LORD is with you, mighty warrior."

other Christmas presents include...
new bike
german bible
airsoft pistol
new Falling Up cd
4x4x4 rubik's cube
a cool necklace
journal
Braveheart
a book- The Cost of Discipleship

i've been reading that book already actually. i'm about halfway through. borrowed it from Sterling. but i wanted my own copy.
i'll talk about it when i'm done reading it. it's good.

i also started reading a book called unChristian. about the way our culture/generation views Christianity. very interesting.

i read Prince Caspian on the way up to north carolina. i love Narnia. :)

i also read Redeeming Love. an incredible book. more on this later too i suppose.

for now i'm busy spending time with people
and this is distracting :)
and i'm sleepy :)

prayer

how to pray?

this is as much or more for me as anyone else

praying should be more than talking
sitting still
saying words

that's almost not real

don't get me wrong, it certainly can be

but i think it can be bigger than that
better than that

Sometimes i get off track
worried about...
trying to use the right words
or focused on listening for God
or a billion different things

But it's not supposed to be like that

because really praying
is free
i think

just sitting saying words in your head isn't always free
and at the same time
putting effort into making it different isn't free either
because it's like you're trying to make it into something you want it to be like

i tend to face two big walls when i pray
i think everybody has something or other that they have to get around

for me, first is not feeling...
close enough to God

it's proposterous I know
considering prayer is how you truly get closer to him
bible study's, church, or memorizing verses about God, doesn't bring you closer
the only thing that does that is praying to him
talking to him
being with him

thats why prayer is so important

sometimes I feel like i'm too imperfect to be with God though
i have a voice in my head that tells me i can't be as close to him as I want to
not yet at least

I used to be so much better at praying
closer to God even, i think

i lost it somewhere along the way
and now that i want it back satan keeps telling me that i can't have it
he tells me to put praying off for later
tomorrow
because maybe then i'll be more... worthy to talk to God i guess
like maybe i'll be good until then,
so then God will allow me in his presence

but that's so wrong because God says that he makes us holy
nobody is righteous but God
but
now
he makes us righteous if we come to him

The point is
it's important to know that nothing holds you back from praying

Perhaps...
You don't feel close to God.
you can still talk to him
it's just going to take effort!
do you really want to or not?

we're so lazy
we don't like doing anything that takes effort

It's not always easy to pray
but it's always possible

The other thing, for me, is not listening.
Praying doesn't have to involve listening every single time.
But I think it should some of the time

if God is real, and you're talking to him, and he loves you
i should think he wants to talk back

but i'm bad at being impatient with him
or getting distracted
or being so focused on hearing what I want
that i don't hear anything when it comes

You've got to be patient
quiet

and persistent

read Daniel 10

have patience with God
he hears your prayers
sometimes it just takes a while to get a response.
for who knows what reason

be persistent
i think God tests us that way sometimes
if we really care we keep at it
if we give up... then did it really matter to us?

And you have to have your ears wide open
apparently God can answer you audibly
i've never heard him
sometimes he just gives you a strong feeling
sometimes he puts thoughts or pictures in your head
sometimes, after you pray, he sends a person to answer you

you have to keep your ears open because you don't know how he'll answer

I love when God responds.
Because it shows how much he loves us.

I can read that he loves me in the Bible.

But when he
talks to
me
i can see the stuff that i read or heard
coming true

what an honor it is to talk to God
to pray to God

it reminds you why you are still alive
and it reminds you why you are still living