the blessings

the poor in spirit are the lucky ones!
because the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

those who mourn are the lucky ones!
because they will find comfort.

the gentle are the lucky ones!
because the earth will be given to them.

those who are hungry and thirsty to be like Christ are the lucky ones!
because they will be filled up.

those who show mercy are the lucky ones!
because God will show them mercy.

those who have pure hearts are the lucky ones!
because they will see God face to face.

those who bring peace are the lucky ones!
because they are God's children.

those who suffer for being like Christ are the lucky ones!
because the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

(the bold ones particularly stick out to me right now)

χάρις

we need to chill.

to stop working for his mercy,
because that's pride.
(working is done through him and after mercy does its work)

to stop discounting his grace,
because that's what we're doing when we don't believe it's enough for us.

and to let God love us.
because he wants to.


emotive unstable,
your like an
un
wind
ing
cable car.
listening for voices...
waiting for something? someone else?
but its the choices
that make us who we are.

so self-absorbed,
you seem to ignore
the prayers that have already come about!
go your own way,
if that's what you want...
even season have change;
just burn those new leaves over.

backing away from the problem of pain.
you never had a home.
you've been misguided.
you're hiding in shadows for so very long.
don't you see?
don't you believe that you've been decived,
that "your no better than..."?
the hair in your eyes, it never disguised
what your really thinking of.
(the lamp of the Lord searches the inmost being)

but

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

this
is the correlation
of Salvation and Love:

you
are so
brilliant!
don't soon forget!
you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.

don't drop your arms! don't drop your arms!
I will guard your heart!
with quiet words I'll lead you in!

you're so brilliant!
Grace
marked your heart.
don't soon forget!

a prayer: Qanna + hebrews 2:18

i wrote this in my journal recently.
this is one of those particularly personal ones that i just felt like sharing...

God, why do I feel like you can't satisfy me?
Just yesterday I asked for just a little taste. Surely that should be enough?
But where are you then? Because right now I don't want you.
Save me!
I know that it is temptation I fight. But I feel like a starving man rejecting bread.
It's torture. It's hard. And I don't believe I can stand it forever.
God, I fall far short of you. I confess that I do not truly acknowledge your love. Your greatness. Your glory. Your perfection.
You are life. You are joy. And while I know this, I can hardly believe or accept it, right now.
That is sin.
And even more... I also doubt your power. A piece of me says it acknowledges that you made the world and everything in it. That you weigh the islands as though they were fine dust. That you could destroy everything with one word from your mouth.
But once again, my heart doubts. Because if I truly understood and believed then I would know and see that your strength is enough to deliver me. I would trust that, because Jesus himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those, like me, who are being tempted.
I am broken, messy, needy. And I want to let other gods fix it.
I am ashamed God, but honest.
This is exactly how we're supposed to come to you, right?
Why is the darkness so much more comfortable?
Why is building my own fire so much easier? And why am I so convinced that last time I made one it was warmer than yours?

I don't understand it.
We never do, do we? When we are being attacked I mean.
Do we need to?
I guess not. I just figured it would be easier if we knew where we belonged. But we do! I do. I know it when I choose to leave you.
It's the "why" that doesn't make sense.
But I don't think we need to know this. Who questions where they belong if they know they belong there?!
I belong to you.
I belong with you.
Please make me confident of this. Mark me.
Hold me.
I know you love me.
You make me whole.
You will protect me.

You just did.

he'll make the rivers and rocks sing his praise

Why does God use people?
like me?

don't you hate guilt?
it kills you
i mean, i feel bad for everything i've done wrong
but, for me i know, the devil is really good
at letting it crush me

have you ever felt bad for something you did forever ago?
yeah,
it shouldn't be that way
if you've been forgiven by the Forgiver

or even something yesterday
or this morning
or 10 minutes ago

anyways
that's not what this is about
because once you overcome that hurdle
when you know and feel forgiven...

there's yet another hurdle.

it's rather odd too
like an oxymoron

it is
that we feel too small
or awesome

or perhaps both
one now
the other in just a moment

so why does God use people?
is it because something good in us?

sometimes i really doubt that

i'm really shy
it's one of many things that makes me weak
one of the things that prevents or slows me
when God asks me to do something.

there are plenty such things wrong with me

i am humbled by it
like Paul's thorn perhaps
i realize that i'm no good at much anything sometimes

but apparently...
he uses the weak to overcome the strong?

'"But I'm so small I can barely be seen
how can this great love be inside of me?"
Look at your eyes
they're small in size
but they see enormous things'

i found something incredible in Luke the other day
John said something in chapter 3

'For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham.'

I decided this means a few things
being God's children does not make you special
it comes from God.
stones?!
God can use... stones
to beat our best attempts...
ouch

so...
like i wrote on my xanga/facebook this last weekend i think
...
THAT
is why we shouldn't try to do things
God can do so much

you know...
he really doesn't even need us if that's the case
there's plenty of rocks for him to use

But wait..
he doesn't does he?
how come?
the rocks never did anything to him
and
i... can't claim that



God made us both...
when he made the rocks he said
it is good
when he made me
he said
it is very good

that's pretty cool

how odd it is
that he chooses you
above the stones

there's too parts to us
there's something inside us that God made which is good
and there's the rest.
that is the mess of our handiwork.
the sin we started,
and the failed attempts to fix it.

God made something good in us
that is why he uses us
not because of who we have made ourselves to be
but because of who we could be
of who we were made to be

you have no claim on that glory.
it was given to you
and can be given again though

so maybe the stones have not failed God
but we
are very good

if we just let us be how he made us to


well...

I don't know about you
but if God chooses me like that
I will try to love better

i will try to be the very good that I am
instead of that which i have been.

there's no way I'm gonna let a freaking rock
outlove me

Not that i'm competing with rocks to worship God ^_^

but you know what i mean