happenings

hmm
haven't written much in a while.
and the last (two) were really just for fun.

on friday...

david, erin, chelsea, and i won a lottery thing and got cheap tickets to Wicked.
it was great. :)
i haven't been to anything theatrical in a while. it was nice.
and a very entertaining play. i like how it fits into Wizard of Oz.
and i like how friendship is the main theme. there aren't enough stories about friendship.

then i put in braveheart at 1am, planning on watching just the beginning.
but i guess i was too tired to get up and turn it off, because we watched the whole thing...

on saturday...

i went with athelia and adell to a park downtown. my church was doing this... homeless outreach thing of sorts. and stephanie was part of it- a bunch of artists were drawing in the sidewalks. i hadn't seen her in too long. it was nice. especially to hear about what she did this summer... i helped support her, but hadn't really heard any details about how it went yet. it makes me so happy to see how God used a bit of my money.

i so look forward to having a job which gives me plenty of money, so that i can do neat things with it.

since we were late getting out to/back from the park, i missed the first half of our football game. when we returned i took a little nap and watched the end of the game. we didn't win well... but we won. and now tech is (a) ranked! and (b) the highest ranked team in the acc! :) that's exciting.

then i reminisced over five iron frenzy for a while.
and had a grilled cheese for lunch. i love having my own frying pan. it makes such yummy grilled cheese sandwiches.

in the evening was a swing dance, which was wonderful!
i haven't been swing dancing in months now.
and there were a bunch of girls there that i knew.
i've decided it's more fun for me to dance with people i know. i'm comfortable with grabbing any random girl and dancing. but i thoroughly enjoy being ridiculous, and trying to figure out old moves, and making up silly new ones, and laughing a lot. and this is simply more doable with friends. dancing with the girls who had never been before was nice, because (a) i felt free to keep it simple if i wanted and (b) dancing with an unconfident person makes you feel more confident. :) and carol (a nearby PL) was a lot of fun to dance with too- our skill level was well matched.

demyan, carol, erin, and chelsea came over afterward and watched... some old black and white movie from the 30s. one of those... dancing guy loves a girl, singing in the rain type movies. not braveheart. but i was very pleased with a lot of the humor. :)

on sunday...

i did almost nothing except... take a shower, eat, journal, eat, and go to church.

today...

i am happy and satisfied.

a song we sang at church meant a lot to me. particularly the chorus (which i put at the end). i remember loving it, but haven't heard it in a while.

Satisfied

All my life long, I had thirsted
For a drink from some cool spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Feeding on the filth around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul's sad cry.

Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.

Hallelujah! He has found me
The One my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies all my longings
Through His blood I now am saved.

my good friend erin

this is erin defending her honor

Athelia had stolen Joshua's glasses because they are arch-nemeses

and he turned to Rachel last night and asked her to sneak into the girls house and to retrieve his glasses back from Athelia's room. Rachel didn't seem very thrilled about this and asked Joshua why Chelsea and I couldn't get it for him.

Joshua paused for a moment...looked around at Chelsea and I (we were having a discussion with Kyle), and then whispered to Rachel that she was the only one capable.

Thinking nobody had heard his doubts about Chelsea and I, he went on like he hadn't said anything so cruel at all.


Well,
I had heard

and I felt stabbed at his lack of trust.
I mean, hadn't we been there for him?
Hadn't we taken his side over Athelia's?
Hadn't we proved ourselves?

apparently not.


So tonight at house dinner I saw Athelia. And still feeling incredibly hurt by Joshua I was now suddenly feeling a lot more loyal to Athelia, who trusted me. So I decided to warn her to be wary of spies to rescue her hostage.

When Joshua found out about what I had said I felt no remorse because he had already turned his back on me. and then he found grounds to blame ME for what had happened. And I admit I did behave a little bit childish but I was so hurt by his lack of turst.


....



So I left hurt and proud for bible study.

but the more I thought about it, I decided that I really must have hurt Joshua and even though he had hurt me. and I really didn't want him to be hurt. And so I decided our friendship was more important that this silly argument. So i asked Athelia for his glasses and I returned them very humbly and apologized.


For a while he was suspicious, and unmoving...but after a while he saw I was sincere and decided to accpet my peace offer.



I still have yet to receive an apology for the hurt he caused me

betrayal

tonight i was betrayed by erin.

it reminded me of a movie scene...

here's some pictures to jog your memory:































athelia is holding my glasses hostage.

i thought i could get them back...
but erin burned that bridge.

alas.

i was left with two options:
meet athelia's demands
or keep my honor.

it was tough...
but like william wallace,
i chose the second.

now i will go and mourn my loss...

broke

"Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer."
why's that so hard?

it's so difficult to have a soft heart
and be tough
at the same time.

stupid, silly things make me crumble inside and out.
but then i have to fight hard to crack open the door just a little bit to let in the things that are truly incredible.

i want to be a hero, and a warrior, and a friend, and a brother, and a man.
but i can't imagine how to get there.
and with every attempt i just get pushed back harder.

and every time i try to just
be.
and to allow God to make me become...
i end up thinking about myself and waiting for him to do everything.
forgetting the gift's price.


what do i do?
and where do i find comfort?

...questions i've always known the answer to.
yet still can't seem to answer.

because i'm too scared
and too tired
to attempt the swim
from my little, bobbing wooden plank
to that ship
again.


in the meantime,
i just feel like a soldier without a gun.
a beast without a beauty.
a farmer in a drought.
an athlete with a sprained ankle.

and a simple scream for help doesn't fix it.

Free

I am free to love.
Free
to be
and to become.
Though I may reach for the stars,
You have placed them at my elbows and feet.

Take joy my Father
in what you see.
Me!
Beauty.
Bravery. Boldness.
Because I'm not just anyone,
but I'm Your son!

You give me peace and rest when I have none.
Wonderful Peace.

Free.
So that You might be glorified in me.

light

and we will burn, the starless night,
the truth will ring through depths of twilight.
Liberty, our hearts ignite,
let hope still ring through depths of twilight.

through the dark our hearts will scream,
for a world we’ve only dreamed.
and the past, it will decay,
so sing goodbye to yesterday.

i refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight... i believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word.
-MLK Jr.

internet

for the last couple days i wrote down everything i did.
and without continuing i can already see where my time goes...

besides things like sleeping and eating,
and besides classes and homework,
most of my time is split between doing things with people and wasting time on the computer.

in an effort to have more time for homework and people and sleep i'm going to internet fast again.

usually i get on rather innocently to check messages or blogs or something. i don't normally intend to waste time.
but looking at the last couple days... if i touch my computer i'll be on it for at least half an hour. checking a few quick things shouldn't take that long.

basically for this week i'm strictly touching my computer for email and homework purposes only.

i feel like this is going to stress me out... but last time i did it, i felt great afterwards.
so i think it will be good. :)