after waking

so i got Braveheart for Christmas and finally got around to watching it tonight.

and like every time i watch it
i see something new or fresh

earlier this month (while i was supposed to be studying for finals) i wrote a bit about my favorite scene
"he wakes" was the name of it i believe

...that really did mean a lot to me
the first time i noticed it was...
last november I think
maybe october
not long after Megan and i split up

i was rereading Wild at Heart around then too

see i realized the trap that i had been in
it took me a bit longer than Wallace to realize i was dreaming
caught up with wanting something that i couldn't have

we all have those things
we all dream something up
something we think will satisfy
whether we realize it or not

well God pointed it out to me.
pointed out the way i was depending
on a girl in this case.
i place this dependence in many things besides him
(for me i suppose girls are just one of the easier to do that with)

so then what?
i fought to wake up
as i was saying in that earlier post

and i've done it i'd say
so far as the girl mess is concerned

ha
and i've been so impressed with myself much of the time...
and so pleased...

that i forgot about the real fighting that needs to be done now